Ends.

Last day of 2011, how was the whole year to you?
Time to reflect and take a look at your resolutions that you've made earlier this year and hopefully check it off. I've certainly learnt a lot this year.

2011 has been a great year despite all that had happened. I realized that no matter how bad a situation is, God is in control and that situation could turn to be a lesson for me or a gained knowledge.

2011 is almost over, even as we anticipate the new beginning of a new year, let's keep in mind that it is only by the grace and mercies of God that we can be breathing and still living on earth here today. :)

Happy new year! :)

Hannah

People.

"They don't see that all I ever wanted was for them to notice me.That someday, I'd be someone worth boasting about. That one day, I'll figure out my life and give them a better life."

As 2011 draws to an end, maybe it's time to let go of it all, the anger, bitterness, hatred, betrayal, rejection, pain and brokenhearted-ness. Throw it all away to allow a happy, joyful and memorable 2012.

2011 has been tough, but the tougher it is, the stronger you get. Things change, people change. I know that I certainly did, for the better.

Belated Christmas everyone. Do remember the true reason for this season even as Christmas is already over. :)

Hannah

Home.

Home, a simple word almost everyone uses. But do you really know what home really means?
It's more than just a place to stay, or a place where you go after a long day of school or a tough day at work.
Home, without the people in it, it wouldn't be called home. It'll be caused a house.
Do you really know what 'home' is? Only recently did I realise the true meaning of being home. It's a place where your family loves you for who you are. It's a place where you feel safe and have a sense of belonging.

My home, I have the best home ever. Because no matter what, i know that my family loves me, for me. They don't think what the world thinks of me, and for the first time, I can fit in. For I am home.

Home together with like-minded people spiritually gives me a sense of warmth too. I can be truly home, only through the death and resurrection of Christ. How else would I still be breathing if not for God's grace upon my life? How else would I still be heading to college if not for Him? How else would i still have a roof over my head and internet if not for God? I'm grateful for all of it, but yet, still not enough. The depth of God's love for me, that He was willing to sent His Son for me, sometimes, I'm still unable to grasp. I still don't understand how much sacrifice it was for that to happen

I'm not a crazy holy girl who has her bible by her side all the time, I'm not. I'm a sinner and I lie, I cheat, I steal, and I nailed Christ on that cross some two thousand years ago. And even that, sometimes i feel proud of it. And it's so sickening!

For those who have your parents by your side, appreciate them. They've worked hard to raise you, even though sometimes you think that they didn't do much, stop thinking about their flaws because everyone has it. But think about how they had scarified their life for you. How they kept using their old car that was going to break down anytime soon so you could get a new phone. How they worked countless of hours so that you could get an education and in time, contribute to the society. How they had tirelessly care for you when you were little and sick. Sometimes, they don't bother you much now because you're grown up. They scold you because they knew that you could have known better. Because they love you and know that you're better than that.

Don't let it be too late. 

Hannah

Rocky Mountains.

I miss Mount. Kinabalu. I miss it more than I should. I miss the starry sky and that one bright twinkly star that winked at me. I miss the after effect of sore muscles and my lost of voice. I miss losing my voice. As weird as that sounds, but i miss it. But things are different, and things has to be different. I'm definitely not the same person that I was a year ago.

I'm battling myself everyday, every single second of every day. It's hard but God's been faithful, His grace and His Mercies reminded me of Christ's sacrifice for me. And I'm coping.

Do you ever understood God's love?

Hannah

Relax.

less than a month away from college. 2012 is coming so soon!
Are you excited? :)

Hannah

Memories.

That's all it'll ever be. 

Just memories. 

A picture that captured that one moment, 

a picture that you might even keep forever

New Start.

Heading to college in January. I'm excited. Fresh new start. Plus, based on my sleep cycle recently, and many hours I actually sleep, I'd say I'm totally ready for all the last nights and early morning. :)

Christmas is coming.

Hannah

Over.

3 Weeks of exams and it's officially over. Really couldn't have done it without God. His strength to help me through this whole thing, His peace as i did my exam, His grace and His mercy in my life made me realize that no matter how the results came out, My problem with sin and how i deserve to die was solved by Christ on the cross.

Hannah

Wednesday.

It's only a few days left until the end of my exams. It's exciting to know and I'm excited for the new year. Maybe even too excited that I'm thinking too much.
Just now i was looking through the college application forms and scholarship form, i saw there was a part that they had asked to write down a school referee. That alone tore me. For reasons that were still unknown to me, i was fussing and thinking and worrying about what was i suppose to write. Who was i suppose to write.

Last 2 subjects. Thank you, God for His mercy and grace and strength that got me through this entire exam period.

Hannah

Emphasis.

When someone keep telling you something that pulls you down, one day, you'll start to believe their lies.
Many people tells me I'm thin and I can agree with that, but some calls me anorexic, which I am not. And because of the frequent lies that were told to me, I would begin to skip meals and eat lesser, even though I knew that I was already skinny like mad.

If someone were to keep emphasizing on the way you look or the way you talk and keep criticizing you about it, one day, without realizing it, you'll change to suit them.

Of course, when you do have a problem, the first thing you do about it is deny it. my meal skipping didn't go so far as I do get hungry and have to eat. I realized that I was becoming what they said I was and i stopped that immediately.

This blog, was actually to give inspiration and encouragement to others. My constant post that always emphasize on the beauty of someone, from the inside and not the outwards appearance, about how we all special, just by being us. This is in hope that the lies you were told by others about yourself would be replaced by how unique you really are. the REAL you.

Hannah

Studies.

Less than a week more! We can do this! :)

Sand And Skies

Honey, you don't see it, but you make me smile, just like that. :)

less than a month's time till the start of my FINAL examination as a high schooler. On the brighter side, it's only a month left of high school. I can't wait to get out of there! ;)

Hannah

Not Now.

"You made my heart beat faster, and cause my stomach to have a funny feeling. And I hate every single second of that."

No distractions, especially not now. 

2 weeks left before I step into that exam classroom and sit for the final examination of high school.
It's hard to put God first in times like these, but I'm trying, and I'm struggling. Only by His strength that I am able.

Hannah

New Beginnings.

She used to be a perky cheerful girl, all smiles everywhere she went. ; Now, her smile is faded away, a tired look in her eyes and a worn outface.

She used to be talkative, an extrovert, talking about things that don't even matter. ; Now, she's quiet, distant, kept more to herself. She realised that people don't listen so why bother saying anything?

She used to be the one giving out help, helping in every way she could. ; Now, she's the one who needs help, a silent cry for someone to finally notice her problem.

I just want it all to be over.

Hannah

Weight

I dreamt of a girl trying so hard to please everyone. With everyone's high expectation, she just wanted to run free from all of it.

Little did i know, my stress was making me dream about myself.

Hannah

Rainbow.

Saw a rainbow this morning as i arrived in school. It made my day.
Reminded me of God's promise. And no matter how many times you've failed to keep your promise, God keeps them, each and every one of them.

"What do you want, in your life, ten years from now?"

- I just want to be happy, and live a life pleasing to God. 

I don't need to be extremely rich or crazy powerful, just, happy. :) 

Hannah

Scary Truth.

2 paths, 2 choices.
You either choose to follow God's way, or the way of the world.
and that's scary because there's no way in between it.
It's a way leading to life and a way leading to death.

A normal textbook answer would obviously be choosing to follow God's way, and it should be that way.
But things are usually easier said than done.
By following God's way, it's the total opposite to living as how the world lives.
And we're all living in the same world, but opposing how the majority people lived, there's suffering and judgement of others that you would have to go through because of choosing God's way.

Isn't suffering for Christ counted as a blessing after what He'd done on the cross for you?
Without it, you probably wouldn't be here, living life as it is now.
Two thousand years ago at Calvary, a sinless, man, the Son of God was treated like a criminal. In fact he suffered the worst punishment that was ever made for a criminal. Imagine an innocent man, being punished for the crimes of the world. And for that reason, we are to be grateful. And for that reason, we are to submit our whole life to Him, for He was the one who redeemed our life, not for ourselves, but to glorify His name.

Choosing God way is hard, and it's a tough path that I'm still struggling with. But everyday, I thank Him, for waking me up. No matter how difficult or bad my day had went, Christ had suffered more than I ever will suffer in my lifetime.

"For He first chose us."

Hannah

Beautiful.

It's a beautiful day.
Because no matter what everyone else say, YOU have it in you to get through your struggles.
YOU have the strength to stand again, even when it feels like everything is going bad.

YOU can fight through this. :)

Hannah

Stress.

trial's in less than a week, and. i'm not ready.

I'm scared to fail again, because this time,

it's a much bigger failure, and i wont be disappointing myself,

but everyone else too.

Hannah

Close Your Eyes.

Close your eyes for a minute, what do you see yourself doing or where do you see yourself at?

When i do that, i imagine myself on a beach. with the wind blowing through my hair, messing it up with tangles that i will soon hate to comb through. but I imagine myself carefree, without a worry, not a thought about the hectic-ness of life is. but just enjoying the sand, sea and wind.

I really need a getaway.

Hannah

Restlessness.

The other day i opened this empty closet and just sat in it.

like with whole body including my legs in the closet, i sat there, just thinking.

So tired of everything. tired of trying and failing, tired of getting sick. tired of failing, tired of feeling alone.

i was there for about 10 minutes, and i realized, life goes on, no matter what.

Whenever i'm lonely, i have someone to count on, i have God, there for me.

as for trying and failing, it's all part of life.

been sleeping at 3am these few night.

3 more months and counting, it's full on straight charge toward to finish line.

not forgetting the word of God though. :) as God has been gracious toward me. :)

So, here's to the hearbreakers.

Hannah

Everything.

You're everything to someone. Don't ever forget that.

Harmful.

Have you ever thought about how harmful words are?

Have you ever thought about that one sentence you said that hurt someone?

Have you ever wondered whether you should be mute instead, to keep you from hurting someone else?

If i have been quiet lately, I just thinking, whether i really should shut up to stop hurting people.

Hannah

Weddings.

"Let me say, You look so beautiful on our wedding day. "

JRA- By chance (you & I)

Wonders.

I'm beginning to wonder if they were right about me.

That maybe, just maybe, there is something wrong with me.

Dance

We'll dance until the break of dawn. and fall asleep in each other's arms. :)

Different.

I don't know what you're thinking, or what you're hiding from the world.

But we're all fighting for different things.

We're all fighting for different reason.

But don't give up, just because, you're different.

Because being different, means you're special. :)

Hannah

Double Delight

mickey mouse and elmo in one? :) hmmm.

Colours

To be able to see the colours of nature in the world, that's a blessing. :)

Sunset.

And one day, as we walk along the beach side, with waves crashing through our feet. You have your arms around me, as I have mine around you. We'll walk to the other side of the beach, watching the sunset, and enjoying each other's company.

Perfection.

I can't promise to be your perfect girl, but I'll promise to be me.

Anorexia

Anorexia, I don't know how it feels like.

But it won't be something good. Having to count the calories that you eat or just starve yourself, just to get any attention.

Truth is, no matter how long you stave yourself, or no matter how much weight you've lost, You'll still look in the mirror, with your bones sticking out, and still think that you're fat.

You need help, please, get help. Please eat.

Because you're beautiful, whoever you are. God made you for a reason, and that reason will never be to look like a walking skeleton.

You'll only look at yourself, thinking that you can and you must lose a few more inches at your thighs, Thinking that your tummy could've been flatter.

Don't you know that doing this, you're not going to be prettier, but you're just walking into and open grave, all by yourself.

Keeping yourself out from other people, because they would never understand what it feels like to be you, would make it so much more worst.

Don't turn a blind eye to your problem. Get help, things might be hard, but it'll get better.

Hannah

Vulnerable.

I show my tougher side of me, to hide the fragile and vulnerable part that i really am.

Matters.

More than anything in the world.

The fact that you're still breathing now, means that there's still strength in you, to fight, and not give up.

Because the only one who doesn't believe in me is.. myself.

Hannah

Conversations.

He said to her, "I'm sorry. After what I said to you, I was kicking myself, knowing that I'll be losing you. Because what I've done, was exactly the same thing as what he'd done to you. Taking advantage of you, when you're most vulnerable. But I'm here, and I'll wait. "

Getaway

A getaway to a place like this, would be good right now. :)

Darling.

Darling, you see the stars? They're shining just for you. :)

Let It Be.

One day, I'll go out to a carnival, with beautiful lighting hanging from the lamp post.

And that one special someone will win a prize, just for me. :)

And we'll take a stroll down the carnival, with the crowd of people pressing up on us, all I would hear would be his sweet voice.

Then we'll take a slow walk back to my house, where he'll send me off with a goodbye kiss on my cheek.

I don't need my future husband or boyfriend to tell me they love me to know that I'm loved.

I rather have them take their time to say it, than saying those 3 taboo words too soon that it wasn't sincere.

I don't need them to kiss my lips to prove that I'm his, because I trust him with whoever he hangs out with.

We'll see how it all goes, in years to come. :)

Hannah

Thanks.

Thank you for listening, hearing my cries.

Thank you for believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself.

Thank you for remembering me, counting me in.

Thank you for saving me the pain, hurt and tears.

Thank you for assuring, and reassuring me.

Thank you, for being you.

:)

Hannah

Busyness.

Going to study like mad.

exam's in 5 months. No time to waste.

Stupid girl.

Try walking in my shoes. You'll understand why.

Hannah

Dream House.

Because when I say "it's alright", You'll know that it really is.

But when i don't answer you at all, that's when you should start getting worried. :)

Told you I'm really different from the rest! :)

Questions.

Because the real question is, are you really starving yourself and using that as an excuse?

Think.

Have you ever thought about how I would feel?

Have you ever considered how I would react?

I know things are hard for you, but get over it! Life goes on, and just because you're upset doesn't mean you get to let it out on other people.

STOP, putting the blame on me.

maybe there are some times in life where I just couldn't care less anymore, and could have the world putting whatever blame it is on me and not care, because nothing seem to be able to go right. Because everything I did, was wrong.

Just stop.

Past is past, and you have to let go.

I've tried worrying for you, I've tried caring for you, I've tried advising you.

You pushed it all away. And so I've stop trying.

Just know that, I've once cared for you, you misused that kindness, now all you have is the memories.

And there's nothing I can do. There's nothing I will do.

Get mad all you want.

Rebel all you want.

I'm tired of caring.

X

"All post from ____ removed, You can unfriend ____ here too!"

Thanks facebook! :) you're the best!

Mess

My life, so messed up, I don't even know where to start.

Bridges.

So, my 2 weeks of holidays are almost up.

And there are some moments I'm gonna miss from it.

I'm sure gonna miss waking up at 9-ish, with half an energy bar and 2 hours of cheer practice.

I'm gonna miss waking up at 1.30am and hiking at 3am with the sky full of stars above me.

I'm gonna miss these lazy days where everything is so laid back.

I'm gonna miss the holidays. Cause there won't be one rest day in 5 more months!

The thing I miss most, the stars. :)

Hannah

5.

Here's 5 things you may, or may not know about me. :)

1. I don't like being late. not your average teenage girl, but yes. I don't like it when i keep someone waiting.

2. I get ready really fast. Probably cause I'm not a make-up kind of girl who spends loads of time doing their make-ups. It's a pretty good time-saving technique! ;)

3. I'm terrified of saying things I can't fulfill.

4. I'm easily forgotten. till a point that I don't really mind anymore, yes, it's that bad.

5. I can't do last minutes nonsense. :) heh, but it's in my new years resolution to try and accommodate it though.

Because I'm human too. :)

Hannah

Friends

Because I'm willing to give up everything I am,

so that you can find who you really are.

I know who I am, do you?

Will you stop trying to be someone else, and try to find who you really are?

Will you really try to do that?

Hannah

Dreams.

How do you forget someone who made your life miserable?

you can't. You just have to forgive them, and let it go.

Infinity

Because the strongest one isn't the one who can hold back their tears,

The strongest one is the one who is willing to let out the pain.

Because the strongest one isn't the one who reach the top first,

But the one who give all they have, to reach the top, last.

Hannah

Predictability.

I don't know about you guys, but words can be a really powerful thing.

self confidence is built by what you hear about yourself from other people.

If all you're hearing is something negative, obviously, you'll feel down about yourself, thus leading to low self-esteem.

I'm terrified of words, terrified that whatever I'm saying, or whatever I'm going to say might just hurt someone, not just hurt, but even scarred them.

When someone keep saying something about you, soon enough, you'll take that lie and turn it into truth. Maybe it's because you're just so tired of them saying that about you, maybe you just want to shut them up. But whatever it is, you'll soon think that they might be right about you.

Why do we trust other people instead of our own opinion?

Why do we look for comfort in others instead of going to our Creator?

Why do we keep seeking to please the world and not The One who Holds the world?

I'm struggling with pleasing the world, i'm struggling with always thinking about what the world would think about me. I'm human too. And by God's grace, maybe one day, I'll seek to please Him instead of the world. Maybe one day, I'll look for comfort in God.

What, can be better than that?

Hannah