World.

I wanted to see the world with my own two eyes. 

I wanted to capture the beauty of different scenery, 

different culture and 

different traditions in my head. 

People always asks me if I miss home,they tell me that they can't imagine travelling thousand and thousands of miles away from home. And each time I hear that, I am more and more grateful upon God's grace and strength to pull me through. I know that I've said it so many times, to be thankful for God's grace and mercy in my life. But the more I think of it, the more I can't boast in myself. When I had first arrived, all I wanted to do was hear people say " You're so brave!" and feel a little smug inside, then I've got to stop myself in thinking that. Oh the pride I have! Forgive me, Lord. But now, 7 months down the road, when people say that, all I want to do it praise God. The more I think about it, the more I feel like without God, I probably won't be able to make it. Without the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I'd probably still be living in darkness, not knowing that on the inside, I am actually dead. And most importantly, without Jesus dying on the Cross for my sin and defeated death three days later, I probably won't know the immense love shown on the Cross, the ultimate sacrifice for me, when I was still helpless. 

Do I miss home?

That's a silly question to ask, of course I do. And I can't wait to be back, to see familiar faces again. 

You are missed, friends. 

Hannah

Assurance.

I remember going through a phrase a couple years ago, when I was finding assurance of my faith in Christ. I was scared, confused in whether I truly am a Christian, or do I just call myself one? I was afraid that I had just been calling myself a Christian, but nothing in my life points other to Jesus Himself. I wasn't sure whether the life that I was living was a life that I was called to live as a Christian. I wondered if at that time, I was taking God's previous grace in my life for granted. I remembered asking people how they are so assured of their salvation, how they are so sure that if they had died there and then, they know, that for sure, they'll be together with the Father. I was maybe even a bit jealous with the fact that they didn't seem to have all these questions in their head. Them telling me that "no matter what, God is sovereign." did not help my confused mind at all.

Now, a couple years down the road, I understood it clearly now. I understand the assurance of salvation that they have. I understand the peace that they have, the joy that they have, if and when God decides to have them join Him. I understand the fact that God is sovereign and it doesn't matter. 

In actual fact, I don't deserve God or His grace and mercy. All I deserve is wrath and darkness and death. But yet, when I was still in the darkness, still loving my sinful nature, still dead and unable to accept a gracious and merciful God, it was at that state, when I was totally useless and helpless and worthless to God's Kingdom that He sent Jesus to die. God sent Jesus to pay the penalty for my sinfulness, my ignorance of God Himself, my hatred towards this almighty God. Through Jesus' death on the Cross, and the power of the Holy Spirit in my conviction of the Truth, I can be assured and know that, no matter what, God is sovereign. 

I can be assured of my salvation because I see a God's sovereignty and His grace in a new way. While I am far far far, from "perfection", I understand the peace and the joy to live this life that I have been given. I finally understood what it means to say "it doesn't matter where I go after I die, because God is sovereign. And without Him, I deserve hell." And at the end of the road, the joy I hope to be able to receive is to be able to meet my Saviour and God at long last. Indeed how glorious it will be, to be joined with all the saints in glorious praise to the King. 

Today marks 7 months being here, and I've struggled through my journey, with fear of losing sight of the Cross when I leave my comfort of home and protection of my own bubble. I was afraid of my flesh taking over my desires as I left home. But God is gracious and it shows how lacking of trust I have in His love. Through this journey, being stripped of all that is familiar to me, had helped me to understand God's sovereignty and faithfulness even more. 

Salvation isn't a free pass to sin, it is the power to say "no!" to sin. 

Hannah