Unsuspecting Joy.

I love knowing endings. When I read a story book, I'll read the last chapter so that I know the end of it as I read the book. When I watch movies, where possible, I'll be reading the plot and summary of the movie as it plays. And yes, I am that horrible friend to watch anything with. But I love knowing how it ends and seeing how each character works their way to the ending. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense to many, but somehow, that's how I'm wired.

So here's a story that is still awaiting an ending, or rather, an ending towards a chapter rather than a whole story.

As I go into my final year of uni and being a student, the other more daunting decision of "what's next" starts haunting me. And as much as I'd love to confidently share my plans for the next 5 years, I can't, because I don't know what they are.

I remember being in the same position three years ago as I decide on uni, but it seems like back then, my choices were safer, my world was smaller, my heart was so much more adventurous than I am now. But I also had my share of let downs then, when I shot for what I thought was best for me, but God had other plans. I was disappointed then, sure, but as I look back on my journey, it became one of the biggest joy I could ever receive.

So as I contemplate my future, this time, while my choices suddenly became so scary, my world so so much bigger than when I started, my heart, that's not willing to be uprooted just yet; I am reminded time and time again that the Lord is always good, always sovereign. And what I think is good for my career might not be true for my faith. But living in the light of eternity is trusting that God works for the good of those who love Him, even if that good doesn't seem good at that time. But then again, I'm looking at life and the world in a fallen position while God sees and knows and holds the future.

And therefore, I don't know where I'll be in a year, and I don't know what my plans are. But I do know that I will keep looking for opportunities, and learn humility as God closes the doors that aren't good for me. I do know that I will continue to learn to trust Him and His Sovereign ways, especially when my sinful and selfish flesh desires something else. And I do know that no matter what, I do pray that God be glorified and Jesus be shown in my weakness and that He keep hold of me in the faith.

So this is an incomplete chapter of my story, of a broken, selfish, imperfect girl, who knows and believes the truth, but is struggling to truly trust in this period of uncertainty.

Hannah

Fire.

But in a fire, what is worth saving? 

Fear.

Looking back, there were many times when I was gripped by fear; fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of my own safety, fear of trials, uncertainty, fear of examination, interview, life.

Maybe we are the generation that has the privilege to work for what we want instead of our survival. We were given the option and because of the varied choice and multiple paths, the world at our disposal, that we are more fearful of the things to come. The world is much smaller now than it was a few decades ago.

Maybe because of this, we have a sense of entitlement, that we deserved something because of how we were raised or the culture we were brought up in.

But yet, the things we fear are so menial compared to what we should fear. We fear things like spider, not getting your first class degree, your dream job, when we should fear the fact that we are not working to please God, that we are not honouring Him with our words, that we don't praise Him or glorify Him enough.

Maybe the bottom conclusion is that we don't fear God Himself enough. We don't look at his mighty works through Jesus with awe, we don't listen, and really listen, to God's Words through Scripture anymore. Our priority is no longer God-centred, but self-centred. We are constantly working to please our thirst for more. More power, more money, more experience, more cars etc. While not all things are bad, we could be working to satisfy our hunger for more prayer, more time spent with the Scripture, more biblical teaching etc. But do we?

I am not to say that I have reached the goal of perfection, far far far from it, actually. But my thoughts are that if one day, when perfectly and completely sanctified, my priorities would be nothing but Christ's priorities, my thoughts would be nothing but Christ's thoughts, my actions would reflect Christ's actions, and that would be the day that my fear of the temporary would stop crippling me and holding me down.

But there is no reason to fear, no reason to be afraid of failure, of not getting the dream job. There is no reason for that because as Christians, our future is fully secured in Christ. Our eternal future, the one future that matters the most is sealed with much grace, much love and the blood of Christ. And fear of the temporary, is undermining God's rule over your life. And that's so challenging, but depend on Him, the One who will see you through all trials.  

“God could have over-ruled every difficulty in your way, had he seen it expedient. But he is pleased to show you, that you depend not upon men—but upon himself; and that, notwithstanding your situation, may exclude you from some advantages in point of outward means. He who has begun a good work in you, is able to carry it on, in defiance of all seeming hindrances, and make all things (even those which have the most unfavorable appearances) work together for your good.” 
- John Newton. The Letters of John Newton


Hannah

Resurrection.

"Why do you look for the living among the dead? 

He is not here, he has risen!" 

- Luke 24:5-6

We rejoice for victory is of Christ, victory over sin, over death, over the enemy.
We rejoice for death is defeated.
We rejoice as Christ's joy fills our hearts
We rejoice for we know that one day, we too, will rise again.

May we grow in the likeness of Christ, to grasps the great worth that is Jesus Himself.
May we grow in trust to confidently agree with Paul that "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing knowledge of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I count everything as rubbish, in order that I may be found in Him." Philippians 3:8

Happy resurrection Sunday! For death has no sting, hell has no victory! And one day, Christ will restore everything and we will be with Him till no end.

Hannah

Good Friday.

"Surely he took up our pain

and bore our suffering, 

yet we considered him punished by God,

stricken by him and afflicted. 

But he was pierced for or transgression, 

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on him, 

and by his wounds we are healed. 

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to our own way;

and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all."

-Isaiah 53:4 - 6 

The sky was gloomy, cloudy with a sense of loss, there's something that isn't right. Something that's not right with the world.
"Jesus said, 'it is finished'. With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19:30

What Jesus accomplished at the Cross was the complete fulfillment of the law, it was the wrath of God laid upon himself for the sins of many, it was the complete atonement for sins. Jesus' finished work on the Cross had accomplished the reconciliation between God and man, and because of Jesus, I can stand before God, justified, not of my own work, but based on what Christ had done. As I journey through Christ's walk to Calvary, the pain and mockery that I imagined was nothing compared to what He had endured.

How is it that God, the Creator, the Almighty one be put into a position such as the Cross? To be beaten, mocked, scorned. But His reason, to take that cruel and painful walk? Me. My sins, that I might be able to be reconciled to God the Father, that I may be able to see His great love, great mercy, wondrous and plentiful grace. His crown on earth was not made of gold or silver, but a crown of thorns he wore for me.

As Jesus walked and bore the Cross on Calvary, he showed obedience to the Father and love to his people to save them. For God is love, but God is also righteous and just, and it took Jesus on the Cross to pay my debt of sin, the debt of sin of the world.

Each time as I ponder and reflect, there is so much that I don't know, there is so much that I can be thankful and praise God for, there is so much in me that is not like Christ. There is still so much sin, anger, dirt, selfish thoughts, there is so much brokenness, but there is so much grace on that Cross as Jesus took on my sin and gave me his righteousness. The depth of love shown for me, by my Saviour,

Why is this Friday good?
Because God Himself came down to die the death you and I deserve.
Because He suffered on our behalf.
Because through His death, we can be made alive to God.
Because His was a redeeming death, so that now we are no longer bonded to sin, but we can be free from it, for Christ has won the victory over sin, and over death.
Because we know, that three days later, Christ will rise again, for death could not hold him down.
Because we have a King who died for us, but did not stay dead.

"What kind of King would hang on the Cross?"
That's my King, my Saviour who walked the road before me, so that I could have this relationship with the Father.
That's my King, the Creator of the World.
That's my King, my Lord, Jesus.

"See the King who made the sun, 

And the moon and shining star, 

Let the soldiers hold and nail Him down, 

So that He could save them"

- Jerusalem 

Hannah

2015.

What a year 2015 has been. Funny to think just in the beginning of 2015, I was merely a second year student, in the midst of preparing for mid-terms. 2015 was a challenging, frustrating, but also a year of immense growth.

2015 was a year of tough decisions, trusting God and knowing that He will lead and guide me. Questioning myself on how much I trust Him to obey, especially when I don't want to.  

2015 was the year when I served in the Christian Union, whilst challenging and so many times I was on the verge of giving up. I thank God for placing people in my life that I can talk to, share in my frustration and praise God for mercy. My year of serving ended with many things to thank God for. His goodness, kindness and mercy to use a broken, wretched sinner like myself to serve Him. (Events.)

Through all those troubling times in my head, when I questioned and doubted God's faithfulness, and whether there was any hope left for it all. To which He points me back to Christ's finished work on the Cross, where I can lay my head to rest, because Christ's death had reconciled me to the Father.

2015 was when I did quite a lot of reading. (Was pretty surprised there actually!) But it has been such joy to be reminded of truth, to be thinking more in depth of what Jesus had done and the implications of that in my life. 

 Reflections.

2015 was the year when I was the most stressed out for my exams, but learning to preach the gospel to myself, especially when I'm anxious and reminding myself of the temporariness of this life. And to look forward to a greater world with the Creator.

Top left: Apple and butterscotch crepe cake; lemon drizzle; chocolate marble cake

Middle left: Egg tarts; lemon drizzle cupcakes; chewy chocolate chip cookies

Bottom left: Simple pancakes; brownies; yule log cake

2015 has been a year of baking! I've come to realize how easy baking is to show love to others. It was fun experimenting with different cakes and even challenging myself to make my own pastry for the egg tarts. Safe to say, pastry making isn't my forte. 

The beginning of third year in the last quarter of 2015 had been tough, fighting the lies in my head. And also remembering Christmas and the humble beginnings of our Lord and Saviour's birth. 

2015 has been really encouraging, reading and studying the Bible with other Christians, fellowship-ing and mutually encouraging and edifying each other. Understanding the importance of community and dependence on each other. Sharing in both joy and troubles. 

Happy new year! 

"Lord, I believe, help me in my unbelief."

Hannah