Bubble.

I miss my bubble. 

I miss living in that little bubble. 

Home; is physically far away from where I am, the people I grew up with, the ones I shared my joys, my struggles with, they're no longer a drive or a call away. Sure, technology has been wonderful lately, but taking in the time difference and their own personal lives back home, it's much simpler to keep in touch, but yet, it's not as easy as you would think it is.

I miss that place where I surrounded myself with people of faith, like-mindedness. People whom I knew their past, people whom I have grown up with to have know what they had went through. People whom I know that knows me just as well.

In this strange country with even stranger culture, I don't fit in, and honestly, I don't want to fit in. I don't want to tell myself that it is okay to do something just because everyone else is doing it. I don't want to blend in with the world, because as a Christian, you're not suppose to blend it, you were suppose to stand out from the crowd. The Christian life tells to die to your earthly self, not once in a lifetime, but daily. To rid of sinful desires daily, to repent and ask for forgiveness from the Heavenly One.

I knew it would be different, but I honestly didn't expect it to be this tough. I didn't think that it would be this different.& I weep for the society, for the culture, for the next generation. For they have/are losing their sense of direction, their knowledge of purity, their belief of faith & Christ. There is no sacredness, no privacy. And it happens because, like me, they're broken.

Like me, wretched, broken, lost, confused.
Like me, a sinner.

But the difference between me and them is that I know I'm broken, I realize my wretchedness, I notice my sinfulness. I understand the need for a great God and an obedient Son. I am in awe of the grace shown by the Father, the love & obedience shown by the Son, on that lowly Cross, where my King was crucified and 3 days later, rose again & ascended to heaven to be with the Father so that the Holy Spirit may dwell in us.

It's been almost 3 years since my slow beginning of true faith in Christ. Some days are joyful days, some days, I just struggle so much, trying as hard as I can to not ask God 'why'. (Who am I, to ask God that?) but to just trust Him, that through whatever obstacles I'm going through, my faith in Him will strengthen instead. Not because I've prayed a lot, not because I read the Bible, but because the Spirit enables me to worship God, the Saviour of my soul that had redeemed my life.

Pray for me, as I continue struggling in this culturally different country. Pray that God persevere me in my faith. But most of all, pray that God's Will be done in my life, that I will be submissive to His Will.

"Foes may hate and friends may shun me,
Show Thy face and all is bright."

Hannah

Set Apart.

"Look carefully then how you walk,

not as unwise, but as wise, 

making the best use of time, 

because the days are evil. "

- Ephesians 5:15-1

As Christians, we are told that we are set apart by God, to do different things as the world do. To react differently to the same situation as how a non-believer would react. Has culture been moulded in so much to what us Christians believe in? Have we become "less rigid" to what the bible say with the excuse that it was written to the people of the olden times and it cannot be applied to the modern culture? How do we draw the line between biblical commandments and modern cultural changes?

How are we to be set apart for Christ? Is it just preaching the Gospel and loving others with the love that Christ had shown on the Cross? What if something had happened that you know it isn't aligned with the commandment of God, what do you do next? Do you keep quiet, holding in the guilt and shame of not being able to stand up, or do you confront the other person? What do you do, if something happened, not to you, but you still feel uncomfortable with it? Should you just keep silence the whole way through, and allow the situation to be a norm?

I fail to be more Christ-like every minute of everyday, I fail to follow the commandment of God each day. But the grace of God seems to be more immense each day, not that the grace had grown more each day, but because I realize of my sinfulness, my filth, my dirt and ugliness on the inside. The darkest part of me that no one sees, God sees them, and is disgusted by them. And the fact that I don't deserve any part of His love and His grace in my life, just have a bigger impact to me.

Which part of me deserved someone to love me unconditionally?
Which part of me deserved the Son of God?
Which part of me deserved the Son of God to die on the Cross for me?
None. I deserve nothing of the above. The truth is that, I am a sinner, I still am. And I deserved death and the ultimate wrath of the Father, for my disobedience, for my greed, my lust, my judgemental heart and mind, my pride, my ego, my sinfulness. But yet Christ came, and through Christ and through the Cross, all that I've failed to be, all that I've failed at, to love others, to obey God's commandments, to worship Him all the days of my life, all of it, Christ fulfilled by living the perfect life, being the perfect sacrifice, for me, for my sins.

I have done nothing to deserve this grace, but yet I receive this grace only through Christ alone. Only through Christ, we can be reconciled to the Father of Creation. And my life, is not enough to be thankful for this grace, because I've failed big time. But Christ hasn't, and God saves. He really do.

All my shame, 
All I've failed to be
Is nailed upon that Cross
And left at Calvary

Hannah

Something.

Cause I know I'm good for something I just haven't found it yet;

& I need it.

Phase of life, not knowing what to do next. I've been there before, too many times.
After years of being lost and confused, not knowing the direction of life, now that University had started, I now know, roughly, (you can never be sure, what if I'm called to missions in the future?) know what lies ahead of me.

I used to be so upset, listening to people talk about their life as if it was all perfectly planned out. And I wondered, why couldn't I have such an interest in one particular subject instead of being so curious about every subject. "Jack of all traits, master of none."

But growing in Christ, I came to realize that it's not the worldly things that matter, though it seemed that way now, but it isn't. As a Christian, the only thing that matter is Christ and showing the love of Christ to others, to love them as Christ loved us. It's tough, it is so tough, impossible even in this lifetime. But by knowing the love of Christ showed to us when we were still sinners, though it is tough, it is something we would want others to know as well.

You're never "not good" at something. There will always be better who are better than you at something, but be reminded that there are people who can't do what you do as well. Some who can't read, because they weren't privileged enough to go to school. It is the little things that you become more aware of and more thankful for.

"The Christian Union is the only society that exist for it's non-members." 
Heard this at an event last week, and how true. Even for the context of church, the church exists, yes, to feed the sheeps, but it also exists for the non-believers.

Hannah