Positivity.

Some nights, I cry for the positive, optimistic side of me back.

What happened wasn't just a surface wound for me, 

it was a deep scar, and maybe, just maybe

one day, I'll be alright again. 

- Hannah

Selfish.

"Oh Father, use my ransomed life, in any way You choose."

-All I Have Is Christ.

Funny how that one simple sentence can mean so much. Yet, too often, we're too distracted by the world to see how much Christ had sacrificed for us. Or maybe you're like me, you know how much Christ had sacrifice, but sometimes, it slips your mind and look towards the world, with maybe a little pang of jealousy and wanting to somehow be like them. And then, thank God, you remember about Christ and the Cross and remember about the life given to you.

It's so self-centered, really. My whole life in general. I want thing for myself. For my own pleasure. New phones to fit in, new laptops to brag about it to others, new camera to please people. My dad used to say this,"you're gonna buy something you don't even like, with the money you don't even have, just to please some people you don't even like." What for, really?

In the context of universities(because that is what I'm going through.) , when picking a university, what's the first thing people usually look for? Sure, the quality of teaching there, but we also investigate to see if the university we chose is well known. Then you can proudly say that "hey! I'm from University of _______"

"Use my ransomed life." 
Too many times we forget that our lives had been bought with a price, and our lives had cost the blood of an innocent man, not just a man, but the Son of Man, God Himself. It's hard to truly say, "Lord, take my life, use it, any way You want to." The reason why would probably be because we don't fully trust Him yet. And maybe the truth is that, we are holding back a part of our lives, clenching it in our hands because we don't want to lose control.

“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” 
-Luke 22:42
Christ pleaded with God. But in the end, not my will, but yours, be done, He surrendered totally and fully to the Father. For me, personally, I think that many people, myself included, take this "quote" for granted. We say it all the time, in our prayers, especially when we're weak and helpless. But saying this means total surrender, to be wholly consumed by God and His Will. But as trial and temptations draw closer, all we ask is, "Lord, why have you put me in such positions?" Hadn't we said, may God's Will be done? And not our's?

It is difficult to be thinking about Christ and the gospel 24/7. How often do we think about Him? About God's grace and unconditional love? Do we even remember about the Cross during the week, and not just on the weekends? I do admit that in my busy days, sometimes how fortunate I am doesn't even cross my mind. But I am blessed, in fact, I am beyond blessed. And my prayer for the future is that, no matter how bad and hard and ugly things or life gets, that I will remember how blessed I've been, that I am loved, by the God who saves. 

Hannah