I've spent most of my year serving in the Christian Union and through all the struggles, the thought of quitting, the tears, I found a deep sense of care I had for others that I've never felt before. I found myself, in the midst of being lost. I found myself being more rooted in my faith, my ultimate and everlasting identity, than the temporary one I have here on Earth. I found strength when I accepted that I am weak, strength only through Christ alone, through the knowledge that Jesus had died and conquered my sins on the Cross.
Besides that, I'm learning courage as I continue on my walk with Him, courage to trust, to have faith, to not just know but fully trust that God's plan is and always will be perfect, even when when it doesn't go my way. Through the rough exam period, I had to, and still am learning to trust and put God first because it is eternity that matters most.
And slowly, I'm learning that no matter how lovely this world seem to be like, it is only temporary. And one day I will depart here, only to be somewhere better, somewhere greater.
This academic year, I've learnt countless of things, with countless of stories of how God is working in and through me, rejoicing and thanking God for the ups and downs in life, knowing that God's way are higher, mightier, better than mine; His thoughts are always perfect, always wise, always just and always loving to those He loves.
I fail as a Christian everyday, not even just once or twice a day, but throughout the day, I fail to be a person who seeks Christ with all their heart. I don't think about Christ and His work on the cross as much as I should be; and at times, reading God's word don't strike me as it should; prayer seemed more like a task that I have to do because I call myself a Christian. But yet, God somehow loves this broken, imperfect, weak and fragile sinner. He somehow manages to use this sinner, to shine forth His glory.
Yesterday, while reading a book, it quotes Paul's letter where he wrote "to live is Christ, and to die is gain" saying that for Paul, living = Christ; dying = more Christ! How wonderfully true it is. The challenge for me was that living for Christ starts here and now, not in the future. While one day, we, as Christians will be with Christ, it doesn't mean that I don't need to spend time with Christ now. It means the exact opposite. Because we will one day be with Christ forever, we should want to spend time with Him now, by reading God's word, by spending time in prayer, by talking to people about where your eternal identity is! What a challenge it is, but what glorious joy we would have at the end of it all!
And as I sit here, writing this, tears of joy and thankfulness fills my eyes as I reflect on how undeserving I am for God's grace but yet He chooses to lavish it on me instead. As I reflect on how the year has been, I cannot express enough gratitude for undeserving kindness, love, mercy and grace shed upon this broken sinner. how great and mighty Christ's work on the cross to have provided a way to the Creator.
Oh, may I never boast in myself, but in the One who had died to save my soul!
Hannah
