I love knowing endings. When I read a story book, I'll read the last chapter so that I know the end of it as I read the book. When I watch movies, where possible, I'll be reading the plot and summary of the movie as it plays. And yes, I am that horrible friend to watch anything with. But I love knowing how it ends and seeing how each character works their way to the ending. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense to many, but somehow, that's how I'm wired.
So here's a story that is still awaiting an ending, or rather, an ending towards a chapter rather than a whole story.
As I go into my final year of uni and being a student, the other more daunting decision of "what's next" starts haunting me. And as much as I'd love to confidently share my plans for the next 5 years, I can't, because I don't know what they are.
I remember being in the same position three years ago as I decide on uni, but it seems like back then, my choices were safer, my world was smaller, my heart was so much more adventurous than I am now. But I also had my share of let downs then, when I shot for what I thought was best for me, but God had other plans. I was disappointed then, sure, but as I look back on my journey, it became one of the biggest joy I could ever receive.
So as I contemplate my future, this time, while my choices suddenly became so scary, my world so so much bigger than when I started, my heart, that's not willing to be uprooted just yet; I am reminded time and time again that the Lord is always good, always sovereign. And what I think is good for my career might not be true for my faith. But living in the light of eternity is trusting that God works for the good of those who love Him, even if that good doesn't seem good at that time. But then again, I'm looking at life and the world in a fallen position while God sees and knows and holds the future.
And therefore, I don't know where I'll be in a year, and I don't know what my plans are. But I do know that I will keep looking for opportunities, and learn humility as God closes the doors that aren't good for me. I do know that I will continue to learn to trust Him and His Sovereign ways, especially when my sinful and selfish flesh desires something else. And I do know that no matter what, I do pray that God be glorified and Jesus be shown in my weakness and that He keep hold of me in the faith.
So this is an incomplete chapter of my story, of a broken, selfish, imperfect girl, who knows and believes the truth, but is struggling to truly trust in this period of uncertainty.
Hannah
