Starts With A Simple Hi.

School's off for the weekend and an extra day for labor's day. Boy, am i glad about it.

These whole week, I've just drown myself with books and studies, to keep my head off things.

I've been lacking sleep and getting flu cause of it.

It's been a long week, and all i really want to do is to get some rest, and think things through.

And when I get back to school, everything goes back to its routine, my head will be all cleared out with my exam in mind. And I'll work my butt off, for this mid-term.

Because we always want to do something, more.

Hannah

Too Hard.

I've work too hard for me to feel disappointed again.

Every time theres a talk about the future, there's always a certain feeling inside of me.

Almost everyone i know, knows where they're heading to. Even if they don't know what they're studying, they still know whichever place that they'll be going to.

And that leaves me feeling like my future's so unstable.

I mean really, i know most people still can't decide on their future, and I've got a few options, but every time i think it through, it's like doubts starts to filled my head.

What if i'm not choosing a right future career?

What if i end up hating my job?

In 8 year, I would like to be a person who loves waking up and getting to work. I would love to travel the world, I would love to just view things at a whole different perspective.

Everyone says to follow your dream, but what if your dream is all blurred up and you don't even know what it is?

2011, You've been dragging on for too long. And i'm tired, i really am.

Hannah

Wanting.

Trying to control everything, scheduling myself.

Lacking sleep. exam's coming up and, let's just say bronze's not good enough for me. :)

I always try to push myself to the furthest i can get. With whatever results i've gotten, i always knew that I could've done something better.

This year, I'm not going to feel that disappointment that swept through me 2 years and 5 years ago when i collected my results.

I've always had high expectations on myself, maybe even too high for me. But then again, maybe it was because i didn't push myself further enough.

Whatever it is, whatever i've went through, that's all in the past. And to be honest, I appreciate every single downfall of life, without it, I wouldn't know what real strength is, I wouldn't know how to count on God, I wouldn't know how far I've come.

I've come so far, but I still have a long way more to go.

Hannah

If You Could.

If only you knew how often i cry myself to sleep,

and how i die a little inside every time i see you.

I asked my English teacher yesterday whether I have a future in writing, she nodded and said yes. But somehow i still have these doubts in my head, thinking whether i should go for it.

Reality is tough, but it's the only thing that keeps us going.

The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

- The Story Of Us.

Hannah

Temporary

Things that happened today made me realize that, winning something, the joy just last for a little while.

But true happiness, that could only be found in God alone, that last for eternity.

We do many things when we're temporarily upset, that rush of emotion that causes us to feel down makes us do all sorts of silly things.

Some hurt themselves to try to get over that pain inside them.

If leading a team to success for one small game made me feel nice inside, ever just for a little while, what then, will leading someone to Christ feel like?

It's like joy that last forever, really.

Hannah

Life.

Story of my life.

Worries.

Out of sheer worries or i dont know what i was feeling then.

Sat down on my desk and wrote 2 whole essays. They weren't long, quite short, but i think it got the point across.

Trying to this positive thoughts, but i'm worried, trust me i am.

After what he told me today, i don't think i've ever been more worried than ever in my life.

I didn't talk to you after that, because i was so the verge of crying.

Tears were almost slipping down my cheeks, that, was how worried i was.

"She's worried, stupid."

yeah, about you. Nothing else.

Hannah

Changed.

People change. Everyone change.

It's either for the better or for the worst.

I've seen how much they changed, seen how much they backslide, seen how much they've changed in the way they think.

I, too am guilty of this problem.

I've changed, many, many times. I changed who i really was to fit in, until i realise that I can be better than that.

I've changed because I thought people like them were cool, until i realise that I can never be like them.

I've changed, hopefully for the better, hopefully to give influence to the others.

I've changed, because i want to stay true to who i am, to who God has made me to be.

I hate the fact that I can't talk normally to you anymore.

I hate the fact that I'm losing a close friend.

I hate the fact that looking back, we used to be so close.

I hate the fact that I don't know anything about how you are anymore.

I hate the fact that I don't know you anymore.

And now I'm back at square one, deciding my future.

Hannah

One Time.

We girls, always like to believe in happy ever afters and fairytale endings.

Nothing will ever come the way we want it to.

Once Upon A Time, it doesn't happen here.

Hannah

Struggles.

I've never really been much of a quitter even though sometimes I feel like it.

Sometimes people quit because of all different kinds of reasons.

Disapprove of family, for love? some even because it doesn't feel like.

I think that if you're gonna do something, you've gotta make sure that it's approving to you yourself.

In ten years, when you look back, will you ever regret making that decision?

Things have been kinda down lately, the feeling i've felt of how the team isn't united anymore is worrying me.

I don't want to be a huge let down on everyone. I've set a high standard for myself to achieve and I don't want to let myself down.

This whole team was my closest friends. They just weren't there when i really needed them to.

Everyone's falling apart, lack of interest maybe, or maybe even thinking that I've not a good leader.

And maybe i'm not, And i really don't know.

I need all the help i can get.

Hannah