Lone.

How do you feel so alone in a city that is considered one of the busiest city in the world?

Maybe its because loneliness doesn’t describe the state of one’s environment, but the mental state of one’s self.

For the past four years, I’ve never felt like an outsider. People that I’ve met, in church or in Uni, took me in, welcomed me into their homes, opened up to me about their lives. They cared for me, not like a foreigner, but like family. Because that’s what relationship within a church is like – family. The church becomes an extremely important global family for foreigners around the world in a new place. It is of such comfort to know that there is a family wherever you go. You may not know them, but that’s the joy of Christian union. It’s the warmth of family without borders through the blood of Christ.

After a meeting to sort out my visa, I was on the train ride back into the city and my heart felt so heavy, I felt so alone in this world. In that moment, I felt like an immigrant, I desired a home and I did not like feeling that way. I wanted to go home, I longed for a place where I'm not considered an immigrant. And I longed for Christ’s return. It was at that point when I've probably felt what it meant as Christians to be exiles and foreigners in this world. I felt like a foreigner in this place where I've grown so comfortable in. but yet, it was such a reminder that it is only temporary, that there is a home, a perfect home with the Creator to come one day.

The hope of everlasting praise and glory to the King, where nothing is broken, no tears of hurt and pain, where Christian exiles and foreigners can truly belong. Each day, I find myself longing for it, desiring Christ and being comforted that God will never leave nor forsake those He loves.

Through my trials, I've learnt to trust Him, to understand the need for the tough times, because where is growth but in difficult times?

A brand new chapter awaits and it is exciting to see what it will bring.

Hannah

Good?

Five years ago, I wrote this, I was in a place of inadequacy and wrote about how as people we tend to value earthly impressions and treasures more than heavenly ones. We thank God for Jesus who had saved us from our sins, yet act as if we can save ourselves. 

Five years later, many things has changed. It would be difficult to admit that I've not felt insufficient since. For many times, I've felt like I'm not good enough. I've had my share of doors slamming shut in my face, telling me that I am not good enough to do something. But each of these situations allowed me to learn more of what God's perfectly sufficient grace towards me is like. 

The reason for our "not good enough" feeling is because we aren't. Tell someone to save themselves from the eternal damnation from the constant rejection of God and we can't save ourselves, no matter how we arm ourselves with moral values and good works. It is because we're not good enough. 

Perfection in mortal men doesn't exist. It is a horrible lie that we all seem to believe that we can achieve by ourselves. We strive to be the one without fault. But perfection is meaningless when we ourselves, as imperfect beings try to make something perfect. It doesn't work, and it won't work.

But the only way to be good enough is through the one who is perfect. The only way for us to be good enough for God is through Jesus' cross. It is the cross that reconciles us to the Father, it is the cross that allows us to be "good enough" to be His people. It is not by the things that we’ve done, nor the rules we now need to follow, rather it is through the actions of one obedient man, who gave up his heavenly throne to be mocked, beaten and humiliated on the cross.

If good = perfection, then none of us is good. But in our inadequacy, the cross of Christ covers us, so that because of Him, we can be good enough as we stand before the Father. 

And ironically, not being good enough, is the best reason for us to rejoice! 

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14

Hannah