I'm tired and frustrated at evangelizing to some who only know how to push it away. My lazy self tempts with the thought of "but God is completely sovereign anyway, if He saves, He saves!" but what lies I was willing to feed myself. What excuse of laziness that I come up with because things are hard.
"Do you not love your neighbor? Do you not love them enough to see them come to know Christ? It's all your fault that they still don't want to accept Him, because you're a terrible person!" the evil one spits at me, amplifying my guilt and pain, telling me lies such that my works were of my own strength, not of God, that God doesn't love me enough.
But those were lies, as I turn back to the Cross to see Jesus dying for my sins, for the lies I was willing to believe from the evil one. I see Jesus suffering on my behalf because He loves that much to reconcile me to the Father. Because He cares for me; because He strengthens me.
How much longer, will I have to endure this rejection? How long did God Himself patiently waited as I constantly rejected Him? Too long.
Grant me patience and love, from above, that will never dry out.
May I gain strength from the Lord, working and being molded into His image through this journey of sanctification.
Help me to trust in Your sovereign will, laying down my guilt at the cross of Jesus, knowing that it is You who make things grow, according to your good purpose, your good pleasure.
Soften my heart, to be teachable, putting on Your virtues, as shown by Jesus.
Help me see that this world is not the end of it, but there are ten thousand joy and perfect, everlasting happiness in the future, when we can be with You forevermore.
"Oh grant me wisdom from above,
to pray for peace and cling to love,
and teach me humbly to receive,
the sun and rain of Your sovereignty.
Each strand of sorrow has a place;
within this tapestry of grace;
so through the trials I'll choose to say
'Your perfect will in Your perfect way.'"
-The perfect wisdom of our God
And one day, these tears will be wiped away and filled with unspeakable joy when Christ returns.
Hannah
