Dreams.

What do you dream about? What do you wish for when you look up towards the sky?

People will tell you to shoot for the moon, because even if you missed, you'll land among the stars. But if you're anything like me, when you shoot for the moon , you don't want to land among the stars, you'll want to land on the moon!

The past few years I've seen myself go through disappointments over and over again. I've been crushed by my high expectations of self. But yet, through it all, I saw God's guiding light through them all, breaking me down, building me back up, teaching me, molding me, guiding me to where I should be, instead of where I think I want to be.

In the season of Christmas, what does Christmas mean to you? Surely it's more than just the festive food, cute jumper and presents? Family and friends gathering and Christmas movies? All great things to have and to be thankful for, but is that... it? 

But what if Christmas is so much more than just those?

Christmas, the beginning of extraordinary love, God came down, to live as man, to die not as He deserved, but as our sins deserved, but also to be raised again to the right hand of God.
Christmas, the birth of mankind's one and only saviour.
Christmas, the most confusing, yet most loving gesture shown to men. The Son of God came to wash us clean, to serve us, to feel our pain, to reunite us to the Father.
Christmas, grace upon grace already received.

Christmas time is when Christians remember the humble birth of a baby, who will one day rescue us. It's the humble beginning of a certain future for all of us who believes. It's because we no longer need to wish for something, but can have certain and secure hope of a glorious future with God when Christ returns.

And until that day comes, we continue to struggle, to live in a fallen world, to fight with our earthly desires, but know that victory is of Christ by His work on the Cross.
And till then, we'll weep for the injustice, cry out for mercy, and thank Him for grace.
For when Christ returns, we shall rejoice and be with him forevermore, and our tears of sorrows and frustration will be replaced by tears of joy.

"When all around my soul gives way, 

He then is all my hope and stays."

-The Solid Rock 

Hannah

Journey.

"But Lord..." My heart whines at the frustration on this journey of pilgrimage.

I'm tired and frustrated at evangelizing to some who only know how to push it away. My lazy self tempts with the thought of "but God is completely sovereign anyway, if He saves, He saves!" but what lies I was willing to feed myself. What excuse of laziness that I come up with because things are hard.

"Do you not love your neighbor? Do you not love them enough to see them come to know Christ? It's all your fault that they still don't want to accept Him, because you're a terrible person!" the evil one spits at me, amplifying my guilt and pain, telling me lies such that my works were of my own strength, not of God, that God doesn't love me enough.

But those were lies, as I turn back to the Cross to see Jesus dying for my sins, for the lies I was willing to believe from the evil one. I see Jesus suffering on my behalf because He loves that much to reconcile me to the Father. Because He cares for me; because He strengthens me.

How much longer, will I have to endure this rejection? How long did God Himself patiently waited as I constantly rejected Him? Too long.
Grant me patience and love, from above, that will never dry out.
May I gain strength from the Lord, working and being molded into His image through this journey of sanctification.
Help me to trust in Your sovereign will, laying down my guilt at the cross of Jesus, knowing that it is You who make things grow, according to your good purpose, your good pleasure.
Soften my heart, to be teachable, putting on Your virtues, as shown by Jesus.
Help me see that this world is not the end of it, but there are ten thousand joy and perfect, everlasting happiness in the future, when we can be with You forevermore.

"Oh grant me wisdom from above,
to pray for peace and cling to love,
and teach me humbly to receive,
the sun and rain of Your sovereignty.
Each strand of sorrow has a place;
within this tapestry of grace;
so through the trials I'll choose to say
'Your perfect will in Your perfect way.'"
-The perfect wisdom of our God

And one day, these tears will be wiped away and filled with unspeakable joy when Christ returns.

Hannah

Reflections.

A look back as reflect on how second year had been. I've had many encouraging conversations, many tearful moment, and many thankful moment.

I've spent most of my year serving in the Christian Union and through all the struggles, the thought of quitting, the tears, I found a deep sense of care I had for others that I've never felt before. I found myself, in the midst of being lost. I found myself being more rooted in my faith, my ultimate and everlasting identity, than the temporary one I have here on Earth. I found strength when I accepted that I am weak, strength only through Christ alone, through the knowledge that Jesus had died and conquered my sins on the Cross.

Besides that, I'm learning courage as I continue on my walk with Him, courage to trust, to have faith, to not just know but fully trust that God's plan is and always will be perfect, even when when it doesn't go my way. Through the rough exam period, I had to, and still am learning to trust and put God first because it is eternity that matters most.

And slowly, I'm learning that no matter how lovely this world seem to be like, it is only temporary. And one day I will depart here, only to be somewhere better, somewhere greater.

This academic year, I've learnt countless of things, with countless of stories of how God is working in and through me, rejoicing and thanking God for the ups and downs in life, knowing that God's way are higher, mightier, better than mine; His thoughts are always perfect, always wise, always just and always loving to those He loves.

I fail as a Christian everyday, not even just once or twice a day, but throughout the day, I fail to be a person who seeks Christ with all their heart. I don't think about Christ and His work on the cross as much as I should be; and at times, reading God's word don't strike me as it should; prayer seemed more like a task that I have to do because I call myself a Christian. But yet, God somehow loves this broken, imperfect, weak and fragile sinner. He somehow manages to use this sinner, to shine forth His glory.

Yesterday, while reading a book, it quotes Paul's letter where he wrote "to live is Christ, and to die is gain" saying that for Paul, living = Christ; dying = more Christ! How wonderfully true it is. The challenge for me was that living for Christ starts here and now, not in the future. While one day, we, as Christians will be with Christ, it doesn't mean that I don't need to spend time with Christ now. It means the exact opposite. Because we will one day be with Christ forever, we should want to spend time with Him now, by reading God's word, by spending time in prayer, by talking to people about where your eternal identity is! What a challenge it is, but what glorious joy we would have at the end of it all!

And as I sit here, writing this, tears of joy and thankfulness fills my eyes as I reflect on how undeserving I am for God's grace but yet He chooses to lavish it on me instead. As I reflect on how the year has been, I cannot express enough gratitude for undeserving kindness, love, mercy and grace shed upon this broken sinner. how great and mighty Christ's work on the cross to have provided a way to the Creator.

Oh, may I never boast in myself, but in the One who had died to save my soul!

Hannah

Stretched.

Exam seasons are never best for me. I get anxious, nervous, stressed out. But this time, this season of exams tested me and stretched my faith the furthest.

As I grow in my faith, I've been learning to always remember what is important, that Christ died, so that I don't have to be a slave to sin no more. And that is what I really need the most. But yet, that simple thing is the hardest to do when you're racing against time having the days count down to when you'll have to take the final exam. And I guess the pressure for me was much greater, being that I did not want to return to the country to retake a paper. A 14-hour long flight away from everyone again, cutting my holidays short? No thank you. And so, the stress builds up.

Being apart of the Christian Union team earlier this year, I have been busy with all things society and had somehow neglected taking time out for studies, so when I handed over at the end of March, it was 3 months to cram everything from the year and to get through all the material.

And a week before exams started, a breakdown. As I sat in the library, trying at some paper year papers, I realised that the way I had been studying wasn't helping me in retrieving and retaining information because of the way I remember things. Having 3 papers in a week time and panicking over the fact that I couldn't answer anything for the first paper, that week, I had the most stressed out face, being almost in tears (if not already in tears) as the time drew closer and I was still not done re-doing everything.

A Sunday before my exam, I contemplated skipping church, surely, God would understand that I have a paper the next day, surely the leaders would have some sympathy for me knowing that all that I've done had been unhelpful. But I was drawn back to Matthew, where Jesus said to "Seek first His Kingdom". Seek first your salvation, and to have the bigger picture of eternal life and temporary life, how is that a decision?

I had to be extremely careful as I went on, to put God above all things. I had to warn myself that I'm not doing it because I want God to see that I've honoured Him and then bless me more. But keeping myself in check for my motives that it was to be thinking about the things that matter - eternity - instead of dwelling on this temporary moment. I had to be careful not to make it as if I deserved to have better results because of my sacrifice, but rather thank God for grace and pray for obedience to accept His sovereign will.

And I truly saw how "Put God first, and everything will fall into place" works, not because everything will go your way, but it will go His way, and by putting Him first, you align to his ways. And when you step back to see the bigger picture, you can rest in Him. Knowing that on that final day of judgement, when you stand before the Judge, He doesn't judge based on what I got for my exam, or what I've done that was good, or that I went to church even when I was stressed, but purely based on what Jesus had done on the Cross for me, that because I was given faith to accept this grace, my soul can rest securely, knowing that I'll be absolutely alright.

Hannah

Events.

The past week had been a hectic week of organizing events and such, but what an encouragement the week had been. 

The Christian Union (CU) in my Uni had our events week, a week where we focus on evangelism, going out to our campus to show love to others, to talk about God and stuff, things that are usually taboo issues. This was our week where we show the love of Christ within us to the campus, and what a week it had been! 

Monday started off with a morning prayer, committing the week into God's hands, reminding ourselves that in all things, we don't work for our own glory, but God's glory. We held a lunchtime events on the topic of "Why are Christians so judgemental?" During this event, we went through the issue of why are Christians so flipping judgemental, but talking through the fact that Christianity doesn't hinge on the good, or the bad of Christians, but it depends on the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ! 

Our evening event of a Dial-a-Doughnut(Someone would text in a question about Christianity/faith/God with their location and we'll go to them with a doughnut & their answer!) came flooding in with questions about faith and God. Some pretty good ones that would make us think about it more, others.. well, they just wanted doughnuts. This event helped me to realize how important knowing your Bible is, knowing why you believe what you believe in. But also knowing that it is okay to say,"I don't know how to answer your questions. But I'd like to find out and chat with you about it some more." instead of making up some answers that would probably be some silly ones. This event saw the CU going out in twos or threes, to tell other why we believe in Jesus, answering their questions. And man, what a sight it really was! 

Though the day started off gloomy, cold, at the end of it all, we learnt that God's
work is ongoing, even the gloomy Monday blues of English weather won't stop the team from going forth, telling others about Jesus. What an encouragement is it, to see the love for people coming out from the team. 

Tuesday came with a prayer in the morning, again, committing our day to God to use us as vessels for His good work. The evening quiz with amazing prizes were our only event this day, and we even had a short quiz-a-Christian time while the scores were being counted. 

Wednesday started the same with prayer together. Prayer for the weather as we were going to hold an outdoor acoustic night with a short testimony from a CU member and the gospel message being shared. Knowing the weather here, and the forecast saying that it would be raining on this day, we were afraid that the outdoor event wouldn't be able to go on due to the weather. A lunchtime event was held again on this day with the topic of "Had science disproved God?" During this time we heard that statements of scientists are not statements of science! They're just statements of personal belief. Science and God aren't competing against each other, they're complementary! Science is the "how" but God is the "why". We also heard a quote from Russell Brand that said"Creation is so unlikely that it leads me to believe in God" And how unlikely creation is though!

With cloudy weather and the wind blowing, we decided to still have our outdoor/open air acoustic evening. And what a joy it was to be taking the CU outside out four walls of the building we meet in! What a joy to see people coming, wondering what these bunch of people are doing in the cold, but joining, listening to the gospel being shared!



We had a day off on Thursday, which is great to have a rest day.

Our final day (Friday) of the events week had most of us scurrying around the whole day. With prayer in the morning and another lunchtime event on the topic of "Why would a good God allow suffering?" Through this, we were told that if there is no God, then everything would just be.. indifferent. But the very fact that we rage against the wrong in the World shows that we, the World, are not indifferent towards suffering. And to the question that people ask, how can God just stand there and watch? The Christian claim is that He didn't. He sent His Son, because He can't stand there and watch as the world suffers. Christianity doesn't offer you a god on the clouds, but a God on the Cross, and that changes everything!

We ended our week of events with a Big concert on Friday night with a talk on why someone is a Christian. Performances showing us that we shouldn't hide behind a mask because we were made in God's image. And a talk that asks the question : What makes you happy? What gives you satisfaction in life? Points that were mentioned during this talk was that we often don't look on the inward journey. It's not what I can get, but what I can be on the inside. And what Jesus does, is that He refers to Himself, directly and indirectly, as God! Jesus was willing to take it all so that we could have a relationship with God. And that was the joy it was to have as a Christian.

The whole week was just a massive week of encouragement, seeing how God works, seeing His grace in us, His love for us that we want to tell the campus about this undeserving love that we've received. I've personally been so encouraged all week, by people serving behind the scenes, doing small but important things such as flyering, making lunch, setting up and clearing up after each events. I've seen the willingness to serve in the team, to meet up with other students in their own time to answer some questions others have. To have to share more about this love of Christ to others. I've learnt the importance of praying, knowing that sometimes all it takes it the courage to ask a fellow sibling in Christ, "Can I pray for you?" before an event. And to always be reminding each other of why we do events, not for our own glory, but for God's glory in the end.

While the week is over, I'm reminded that the work doesn't stop here. As Christians, we're called to be evangelist, to be sharing the gospel of Jesus everywhere we go, to be taking acts of love and grace to other.

"Oh, I long for nothing more as long as You are glorified. " 

-As Long As You are Glorified, Sovereign Grace Music. 

Hannah

Motivation.

With next week being the Christian Union's(CU) events week*, planning had been hectic. People to email, things to sort out, communication with the team etc.

Today, I was told to be reminded of why I'm serving. Why am I motivated to serve Jesus, to want to share Jesus to the campus. The good "textbook" answer would be because I want to glorify God, to want people in my campus to know about Jesus, for them to experience this love that I've received by grace from God, because I am a helpless sinner.

I was reminded that when things seem to be overwhelming and everything just seem to be like a task that I'm ticking off the to-do list. "Stop! Remind yourself of the gospel, of how Jesus died for sinners, how my salvation is purely based on Jesus' work on the cross, and God's unconditional love, and His undeserving grace towards me. Remember that, and remember why you are doing what you're doing."

Just like one beggar telling the other "Here's where you can find bread"; Here's one broken person saying to you, "Here's the One who can make you whole."

Please do be praying for the week.
Pray for the speakers, that as they speak and talk about Jesus, they will be given strength to preach the gospel of Christ. That they will be strengthen and given wisdom as questions are asked through the week.
Pray for the CU members. That as we go out with trembling feet and fearful hearts to speak to people on campus, God will strengthen us and grant us courage to invite our friends to the events, to always be reminded of our motivation to do things, for God's glorification, not our own.
Pray for the people who would be coming, that seeds would be planted through this week.
Pray for the weather - One of our event is held outdoor. To be proclaiming the gospel outside the four walls of a room is such a great opportunity to do so. Pray that the weather would be good, and people will come for it.

May my weaknesses bring glory to the One who deserves all glory.

Hannah

*Events week is a week of events set out by the Christian Union to be focused on being sent out to the campus bringing the gospel message to others and telling others about Jesus.

Identity.

"Lord, use me as You will, teach me obedience to follow Your ways and allow me to be a vessel for You."

Who knew, a simple prayer like the above years ago could've turned my life around.
Is it possible to be so overwhelmed with grace? To feel like I have a target on my back for opportunities to be used for God's kingdom's sake? And yet, I constantly go back to the question of, how is it that someone so broken, so scared, so terrified, so small, could be so loved by this God who had created everything, who had loved so much that He sent His Son, for my sake, to die on the Cross? How is it that this great God still loves me when I so often rebel and turn and forget about Him? How is it that this grace is mine to have even when I so often forget about Christ and His obedience to sacrifice?

But only one answer, isn't it? God's amazing, undeserving grace that He had allowed me to have an identity in Christ. To be adopted to His family through the sacrifice of His Son. Through Jesus, I am now able to have true security in my future, knowing that in all things, God is sovereign; heavenly significance, to be called a daughter by the Father; and eternal satisfaction, that only Jesus can give!

Our identity is who we are in Christ.

Hannah

Hope.

"But, is there any hope for this at all?" My doubtful self started. 

"Only when your hope is in Me, in the Cross I was crucified in, and in the power that brought me back to life and defeated death." My Lord answered my doubts. 

Only when you look back at the Cross and see your sins, the death you deserved. And see Christ selflessly sacrificing Himself so that you can be reconciled with God. And look towards the future, the glorious entrance of Christ Himself, the knowledge that you will be with Him forever, in worship and praise. Wouldn't that be what makes everything worth it?

Hannah

Depth.

Religion tells you, you sin - you pay. Do some good works and you may be okay with God.
But the message of the gospel tell you:
You sin, God pays, and you will be forgiven and made right with your relationship with God.

What depths of grace shown on the cross! What depths of love, of mercy, of undeserving grace. This grace that is known through the conviction of the Spirit by the power of God. To be made justified before God and to be constantly sanctified through the working of the Spirit to draw closer to God. This grace that leads to humble repentance. This grace that leads to accepting that we are weak, we need God, we are helpless.

Salvation through grace, but by faith alone, not by works. Just like a heart transplant, the process after the surgery will definitely be painful, physically. In the same way, the process is painful in this walk with God, but necessary. Just as God had taken our heart of stone, and gave us a heart of flesh, to obey, to want to seek Him, the body will constantly reject this "foreign object" that's been put in you. The body want to keep being of this world, to drown itself in sin, but the heart, strengthened by the Spirit as the helper to keep us going to Christ, to keep us pursuing holiness because God is holy. He reminds us of our sins, dealt with on the Cross, He helps us to bring us to repentance, to strengthen us when we are weak.

I am weak. But by God's grace, may His strength be shown in my weakness.

Hannah