Timing.

April. April fifteenth to be exact as I'm writing this now. 

It's been four months since 2012 started and honestly, I really don't know what to say about it. Depressing, spiritually. But I'm having "fun" physically and that in itself, is so much more depressing.

The amount of things that had happened in thus short four months, someone could probably write a book on that. Because everything's messed up. And the past just comes back to haunt you. Maybe that's why you shouldn't run from the past in the first place. Maybe that's why conflicts were resolved at an instance, and not dealt with years later. 

I need to understand that Christ is enough. He is more than enough. He is sufficient. Even though He's not here, but God left His Word, His precious Word to me, for me to read, to understand, to know Him in a deeper way, more than what is just at the surface. But yet, everyday, I take God's grace and God's mercy for granted. I take every breathing moment for granted thinking that I probably "deserved" to live this life, the way I want it to. But what do I really deserve? I deserve death, I deserve God's wrath upon my life. I don't deserve life, I don't deserve to live. Heck, I don't deserve to live in a good condition that I have roof over my head, or even a bed to sleep in. I don't deserve any of it. But yet, God has given it to me. For what reason? Only to glorify His name. 

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Hannah