Snow.

Sometimes all of it still feels like a bad dream. It feels as though I would wake up and it'll all be gone. But the past had already happened, and that's the way it is now.

We all want second chances, but second chances are rare, and they are hard to come by. So grab hold of it before its gone. Christ came and gave us a second chance. God has shown His grace to all of us on earth by Christ's death on the cross. And yet, we don't grasp the importance and urgency of this matter. We live life as it is, purging into the pleasures of the world. We don't realise how soon the end will come, we don't know when, but we're not exactly prepared for it either, and the worst part is that we're not even doing anything to prepare for the second coming of Christ.

I need to learn to grasp the urgency of this matter, and be prepared, for no one knows when the Master will return, and when He does, will be see a sight of His servants working well or will He see them wasting away the time and talents He had given them? How will He see me? 

It's an internal battle between the flesh and the Spirit.


Hannah

Rain.

Was driving in the pouring rain today, I had a very limited vision on the road, it was scary to not know what lies ahead of me. Was praying for protection on my way back.

Very similarly, but yet again, so differently, I had realize that my walk with God is similar. I don't know what lies ahead of me, but yet, God knows. And no matter what, it comes down to your decision on whether to trust Him, or to trust yourself. But all we could see is the smaller picture, we could only see the road that we're driving on just before we reached, but He could see the whole stretch. He could see the road we're at, the direction we're going to take, and most importantly, the end point in which we will reach. 

Going with our instincts will get us somewhere else, but are we willing to trust God with our lives? No holding back, but all in His hands. Am I willing to do that? Have you counted the cost of following Christ? Have you fully understood His 'terms and conditions'? Backing out half way, just meant that you weren't even serious in the first place. 

Words are simpler than actions.

Hannah

High School.

I miss them.  I miss these people whom I have been with for more than 3-4 years of my life.

They know me, they know what I’m feeling and they know how to deal with me even when I don’t know what’s going on in my own life.

Its different without them, but yet everyday I’m trying to survive. I’m trying hard not to compare them with people that I’ve just met, because it isn’t fair. They had years beside me to know me, and new friends now.. they’re just not the same.

They left me alone for days, then come back, wondering if I’m okay when all they did was left me alone to lick my wounds. These high schools friends that I’ve bonded with, I know, that they would never leave me alone. Even when I’m in one of my moods and just want to be alone, they would be there, just for me.

They know all the right words to say to me. They know my thoughts even when I don’t say anything. They encouraged me and believed in me when I don’t believe in myself. They are most confident in me when I have the least self confidence.

Yet, despite all my moods, craziness, tears, laughing till our sides hurts and random bursting out in songs, they love me, for who I am, not who I want to be, not who they want me to be.

Things are just.. different, without them by my side. 

Hannah

Distress.

I never thought that I needed to be rescued. By this I don't mean spiritually because I need all the spiritual help I can get. But by this I meant physically or mentally. I never thought that I would need to be rescued from my own thoughts.

These thought that haunts me, it makes me oblivious of the facts that are happening around me, makes me.. Just not who I am.

But what had happened yesterday, I could pretend to be fine and be strong for everyone else. But behind the closed door of my hiding place, I began to crumble and fall. Trembling, because I was just so afraid of it all. Fearful but thankful that nothing had happened to me physically.

I never thought that I'll be needing someone to save me from myself, but now.. I'm not so sure anymore.

Hannah

Stripped.

"8. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith- 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection , and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain resurrection from the dead. "

-Philippians 3:8-11

Imagine yourself stripped of everything, all that you owned, all that you loved, the people, the awards, the honour, the house that you lived in, the car that you own, the branded suit that you wear. 

Imagine one day, everything is taken away from you, and you're left with nothing. Who would you still be? Would you still be giving all glory to God? Would you still be praising Him? 

That's a tough question, I would love to answer that I'll still be praising God for my life, still be giving glory to Him, still be happy and joyful for that fact that I still have Christ. I would love to answer that way, but, it's easy to say it, when you're not experiencing it. If it really was to happen, honestly, I don't know what I'm going to react towards it. 

For Paul, in the passage above, he counts everything loss and count them as rubbish because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus. That would be saying that, everything you owned now, you'll be willing to throw it all away, considered as rubbish. Worthless. Imagine just throwing away all your hard-earned degrees, burning them away, or giving up your house, your wealth, all of it, because its not worth anything to you, compared to knowing Christ. 

If anyone were to do that now, I would probably think that they're insane! But I admired Paul's conviction and faith, maybe even a little jealous of it. He counts everything as rubbish, so that he may gain Christ, to be found in Christ, to have the righteousness that comes through faith in Christ, to know Christ, to know the power of Christ's resurrection, to share Christ's sufferings, to become like Christ in His death, and to attain resurrection from the dead. 

Paul had saw that everything was nothing to him, because he had found Christ, he had found the one who saves, the one who forgives, the one whom had shown grace and mercy to him. 

Because of the fact that we have everything now, truly, we ave nothing at all. We think that we have a comfortable life, that we have everything, but we don't. we have nothing. But the one who has Christ, he have everything though he owns nothing. 

I can't imagine taking my bunch of certificates and burning them, I can't because even though God deserve all glory through my achievements, a little part of me still feels like, it was all my effort. And that shouldn't be the way, because without Christ, heck, I wouldn't even be alive to be having these certificates. Without God's grace and mercy upon my life, I'll probably be squashed like an ant by God because of my sinful nature. It's easier to say all these, then to be firmly convicted by these facts. I know what I'm suppose to feel, but yet, sometimes, I just feel so.. distant. 

I want to know You, Lord. I want to know about Your amazing grace. To choose You, at an instant, instead of choosing the World. To know that everything I thought was a gain to be, that it was just, rubbish. To trust You during my difficulties, praising You in both my ups and downs moments. To know that precious treasure that saved my soul. But according to Your will, not mine. Your timing, not mine. 

Hannah