Forgotten.

People don't remember. We forget. We forget to do our assignments, our work, to pick up the groceries, to lock the car door, to pay the parking ticket. We're just.. forgetful people. 

We forget people who were once our friends. Sometimes we forget about them, that they were once apart of our lives. We try to forget painful memories and hurtful experiences, but yet, they always keep coming back into our minds. 

The harsh reality is that one day, no one will know who you are. Maybe they will know your name, but would they really know who you are when the doors are closed? Will they know how you treated your friends and family? Will they know you in a personal level? Most likely not. Because if you're an average human being, just like I am, we both will have to face the reality that we will be forgotten. There will be times that you'll feel the internal hurt knowing that you don't matter anymore. 

"And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, 'This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.' " -Luke 22:19

The last supper with Jesus and He said the following while having His last meal with His disciple before being taken to the cross. He said, "Do this, in remembrance of me".

Could it really be that we would forget Christ and His wonderful works on the cross? Could it be that we won't even remember what our saviour had suffered for our sake? Could it be one day we would think that Jesus doesn't matter anymore? Why would we need something to remember Jesus when He had done the greatest sacrifice and shown God's unconditional love for us by obediently suffering, walking to the cross and bearing the wrath for our sins, and then three days later, rose again, appearing to His disciples and do nothing but showed us how great and almighty and all powerful our God is. 

You would think that you wouldn't need a reminder for something so magnificent and glorious. But yet, we were given a reminder. Because Jesus is God and He knows, that we are bound to forget. We are bound to forget who Christ is, to forget what he has done for us, to forget that Christ had made a way to God, and all we have to do is to repent and believe and work out our salvation, to carry our cross daily and to trust in God's Word. 

I've taken the Holy Communion many times. Churches usually do it once a month as a remembrance of Christ's work on the cross. Knowing why it had to be done, more than the reason for a ritual, and knowing that Christ had sacrifice his body for my sake, to shed his blood for my sin, to die as an atoning sacrifice, to be the passover lamb, once and for all had made it so much more meaningful. To be reminded of His great love, to be reminded of how God has been so merciful, so gracious and so loving. To come to the feet of the cross and repent for my sinful nature, my outbursts of anger, my internal annoyance, my displeasing thoughts, my actions, words and thoughts that were displeasing to God. And to know that because of the Cross, and because of Christ's obedience, and because of God's great love, and because of the Holy Spirit's conviction, I can be forgiven. And oh, how humbling it is to know about it! 

Pray for me, as I work out my salvation, as I learn to see Christ in a more glorious way, that I be humbled at how small I really am, and how great my God is. 

Pray for me, as I learn to grasp the tiniest bit of how majestic and wonderful God is to have sent a saviour for me. 

But most importantly, pray for me, that I will obediently aligned to God's Will in my life. 

Hannah

Thankful.

Thus marks the end of my first year. Three quarters of a year spent away from friends and family. I've definitely grown (not just physically. ;) ) I've had plenty of valuable experiences whilst here.

Examination periods were always the worst time for me. I get stressed out and start having panic attacks. If by the night before I still don't know what the material is like the back of my hand, I'll start getting frustrated and start the stress tears. I know that whatever happens, God had allowed it to, as long as I tried my best. And I know that in times like those I should be reminded that Jesus had died for my sins and that my biggest issue in life, the trouble with sin, that I could not overcome by myself had been overcome through Jesus.

Maybe I'm more convicted of the truth this year. When I start to be a bit edgy and nervous, I am more aware and would start preaching the gospel to myself. Reminding myself on what is most important in this temporary life. It definitely wasn't easy to do so. When my mind tells me it's time to start panicking, the other side tells me to calm down and remember what Jesus had done on the Cross.

God's word has been a source of strength. Going though Mark's gospel with the students in church had allowed me to take a look at Jesus' life while on earth and how he had been mocked, beaten, abandoned, and crucified, not because of anything that He has done. But because of our sins. Your sins, and my sins.

I think songs had also helped me a lot in remembering Jesus and His great work on the Cross. Through them, I have been constantly reminded of the fact that I have everything that I'll ever need through Jesus. He had reconciled and allowed me to have a relationship with God. What else could be better than that? Would I really need to place anything else as more important when the relationship with God had been restored?

It really puts things into perspectives when we look at the bigger picture of how temporary this whole life is. It may end tomorrow, the day after, next year, the year after. Who knows? Only the Father knows.

I'm thankful for the prayers through this period of time. Your words of encouragement had been such a tremendous blessing and laugh to me with some of the things that you've said.

I've had a good year of learning and growing. Making new friends and seeing the world. Stepping out of my comfort zone, which I absolutely love, and being a bit more courageous to socialise a bit more.

I wouldn't give up anything to be anywhere else. God does know what's best. ;)

Hannah

World.

I wanted to see the world with my own two eyes. 

I wanted to capture the beauty of different scenery, 

different culture and 

different traditions in my head. 

People always asks me if I miss home,they tell me that they can't imagine travelling thousand and thousands of miles away from home. And each time I hear that, I am more and more grateful upon God's grace and strength to pull me through. I know that I've said it so many times, to be thankful for God's grace and mercy in my life. But the more I think of it, the more I can't boast in myself. When I had first arrived, all I wanted to do was hear people say " You're so brave!" and feel a little smug inside, then I've got to stop myself in thinking that. Oh the pride I have! Forgive me, Lord. But now, 7 months down the road, when people say that, all I want to do it praise God. The more I think about it, the more I feel like without God, I probably won't be able to make it. Without the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I'd probably still be living in darkness, not knowing that on the inside, I am actually dead. And most importantly, without Jesus dying on the Cross for my sin and defeated death three days later, I probably won't know the immense love shown on the Cross, the ultimate sacrifice for me, when I was still helpless. 

Do I miss home?

That's a silly question to ask, of course I do. And I can't wait to be back, to see familiar faces again. 

You are missed, friends. 

Hannah

Assurance.

I remember going through a phrase a couple years ago, when I was finding assurance of my faith in Christ. I was scared, confused in whether I truly am a Christian, or do I just call myself one? I was afraid that I had just been calling myself a Christian, but nothing in my life points other to Jesus Himself. I wasn't sure whether the life that I was living was a life that I was called to live as a Christian. I wondered if at that time, I was taking God's previous grace in my life for granted. I remembered asking people how they are so assured of their salvation, how they are so sure that if they had died there and then, they know, that for sure, they'll be together with the Father. I was maybe even a bit jealous with the fact that they didn't seem to have all these questions in their head. Them telling me that "no matter what, God is sovereign." did not help my confused mind at all.

Now, a couple years down the road, I understood it clearly now. I understand the assurance of salvation that they have. I understand the peace that they have, the joy that they have, if and when God decides to have them join Him. I understand the fact that God is sovereign and it doesn't matter. 

In actual fact, I don't deserve God or His grace and mercy. All I deserve is wrath and darkness and death. But yet, when I was still in the darkness, still loving my sinful nature, still dead and unable to accept a gracious and merciful God, it was at that state, when I was totally useless and helpless and worthless to God's Kingdom that He sent Jesus to die. God sent Jesus to pay the penalty for my sinfulness, my ignorance of God Himself, my hatred towards this almighty God. Through Jesus' death on the Cross, and the power of the Holy Spirit in my conviction of the Truth, I can be assured and know that, no matter what, God is sovereign. 

I can be assured of my salvation because I see a God's sovereignty and His grace in a new way. While I am far far far, from "perfection", I understand the peace and the joy to live this life that I have been given. I finally understood what it means to say "it doesn't matter where I go after I die, because God is sovereign. And without Him, I deserve hell." And at the end of the road, the joy I hope to be able to receive is to be able to meet my Saviour and God at long last. Indeed how glorious it will be, to be joined with all the saints in glorious praise to the King. 

Today marks 7 months being here, and I've struggled through my journey, with fear of losing sight of the Cross when I leave my comfort of home and protection of my own bubble. I was afraid of my flesh taking over my desires as I left home. But God is gracious and it shows how lacking of trust I have in His love. Through this journey, being stripped of all that is familiar to me, had helped me to understand God's sovereignty and faithfulness even more. 

Salvation isn't a free pass to sin, it is the power to say "no!" to sin. 

Hannah

Sacrifice.

How much are you willing to sacrifice? For the ones you love? For the ones you just met? For the ones you don't even know? How much are you willing to sacrifice for the gospel?

How much Christ was willing to sacrifice was simple, to the point of death on the Cross. Jesus' willingness to suffer and sacrifice, so that through Him, us Christians can be united with God. Through Christ, we can communicate directly with the Father, there was no need to sacrifice a lamb for the sins we had committed, because Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. And why did God so willingly sacrifice His Son for us? Because He loved us so. 

If loving means to sacrifice, and as followers of Jesus we are called to love, doesn't that mean that we are also called to sacrifice? Our time, our finance, our pride and ego, for the sake of the Gospel. As I write this, I too am reminded that I am called to sacrifice my life for the Word of God. I am called to the paradox of Christian living, to lose my life, so that I may gain it. I am called to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, to proclaim the Word of God, the love of God that we do not deserve at all, the grace that was shown to us through the Cross. 

"I did nothing, the Word did everything" - Martin Luther

Oh! How true those words are! I am merely a sower, or water-er but it is God who makes the plant grow. And ultimately, I have nothing to boast for in my works, but may I only boast in the amazing work of Jesus Christ the Lord. 

God sees the depths of our hearts and still love us the same. How amazing, how undeserving and how selfless that love is. That the creator of this universe so lovingly forgives us and loves us, though we have sinned against Him. If my limited capacity of my mind thinks that this God is so mighty, I can't imagine how much more mighty and wonderful He really is. In my limits, God is limitless.

Pray for me, as I learn to sacrifice, and as I begin to truly live out the true meaning of the love shown for me on the Cross to others.

Hannah