Age.

She stood there, as life all around her past by, each having their own lives, having their own thoughts, having their own laughters. They're just kids, she told herself, they're just going through a phase that I did, when I was their age too. But she didn't have anyone to rely on when she was their age, did they have anyone to rely on now? It was like watching a replay of her old life, years ago. It pains her, but it was so so real. 

She remembers being their age, age of rebel, age of attention, age of popularity, age of growth, age of friends, age of cliques. Especially cliques, she was a huge part of one. Tearing people down, making others feel like they're less significant, doing things and saying words that left a scar on others. To her, it was a been there, done that. And her journey was a rough and hard and unending one. Even up till now, she was still paying the huge price of all that she was years before. 

She remembers herself being loud and obnoxious, maybe that past had also been a reason why her personality had changed so much. She remembers herself always trying to be in the centre of attention by blurting out everything that she thought was "funny" just so people will know her name. Maybe that's why she's more towards the background than being in the front. She remembers how cold and mean she was to other people, and maybe that's why she tries to love others more now. 

Most of all, when she saw them, she saw herself. And it breaks her heart to see that, but there's a glimpse of hope, knowing how she turned out, though still paying the price for it, there still is hope, and by God's grace and God's timing, no matter what, God is sovereign through it all. 

Hannah