Uphill.

Sometimes you're just so tired of this uphill battle, and it's scary. Like a roller coaster ride, the higher it takes you, the longer it'll fall, the faster it'll go, and the scarier it'll get. But everything's so messed up now, honestly, I don't know whether I'm going through the uphill battle, or just falling downwards. 

Like a cup of water that was filled to the brim, yesterday's episode of everyone just screaming, shouting and scolding each other, it was some someone decided to pour a full bucket of water into a small cup, until it overflowed. My head turned on me and my eyes failed me then. Suddenly all of the haunted thoughts that I had hidden at the back of my head decided that it wanted to be heard, my plans of wanting to deal with all of the thoughts after my exams failed miserably. And that was it, Hannah breaking down. All the stress, the pressure, the insane weight of decisions needed to be made, just spilled over. Worst part was the timing. 

I promised myself that I would never go back to the way it was last time, how badly I was affected and how badly I responded to the situation. And now, I haven't gotten there, though times are hard now, somehow there's always a strength pushing me forward, and that is Christ's strength in me. Though sometimes I feel down, or worthless, but yet, I know, there's someone greater, someone much more knowledgeable than everyone else, that holds my future. That doesn't mean I sit around doing nothing, but I have to do my part too, by spending time with the Word, to know what is His Will in my life. 

I've got 8 months left of college, I'm not sure what to feel about it. Mixed feelings I would say, excited for a new chapter in life, though still very unclear, and maybe even unwilling to let go of this phrase of my life. 

10 months into life as a college student, some people say that college was the best part of life. It certainly was a journey of experience for me, with just a mere 10 months, it had taught me to value friendship, value time, and value every small moment spent with each person. It showed me that people still care, that they're concern about your well-being. It motivated me to work for what I wanted. 

This time next year, on the 12th of October 2013, I don't know where I'll be at, whether overseas or at a hostel of a local university, or maybe even back home. It's the first time that the future of where I'll be being so unclear and foggy. But as time passes, I know it'll start to clear. And wherever I'll be in a years time, all I'm praying is that I don't lose sight of the One who laid down His life for me on Calvary. That I won't be immune to the fact that Christ paid the ransom for my life, that I will still be walking faithfully in my walk with God. 

Preserve me, God, in my walk.

Hannah