Living.

I can't. I can't keep living like I want Christ, but I want the World too. I can't. Because it is God on one side of the balance, and everything else on the other. Being a disciple of Christ means to surrender EVERYTHING. You would have to give up your life! It's being totally surrendered to Him. 

"You must transfer all that you are, and all that you have, to all that HE is."

Have you counted the cost? Have you realize how big and great God is, and will you be willing to sacrifice everything you have because you know the surpassing worth in knowing Christ? Because no matter what happens after life, wherever you go, God will be glorified, no matter what. 

It's scary, for me, for the past couple of months, it's been an intense ride. I hadn't realize the reality of it all, but a glimpse of the reality of how tough it will be. But would I be willing to give it all up because of Christ? Will I be willing to sacrifice all that I have, in knowing Him? Am I willing to be totally surrendered to Him. 

 Why wouldn't I? Why shouldn't I? He had redeemed me from eternal condemnation, from eternal pain and fire. For my sins had been washed away, by one atoning death. The death of the Son, the Son of God.

How immense God's love is for us that He would be willing to send His Son, God's Son, He's no ordinary man, but He is God's Son. Yet, two thousand years ago, it was my sins that had nailed Him on the cross. It was me, that had shamelessly condemned the One who paid for my sin, it was me and my evil desires that had cause God to turn away from His Son, His only Son. It was me, the sin within me, shamelessly, joyfully mocking Christ as He paid for my sins. It's sickening. 

Sin is sickening, but yet we keep running back to it, we keep tangling ourselves with sin, and just enjoying the moments of being like the world, being liked by people. But we're not suppose to be like the world, Christians are suppose to be set apart, because they have the Holy Spirit in them. And ultimately, Christians would be hated by the World, for the world first hated Christ. And yet we strive to be liked by other. Of course, if the world hates us, the Christians, it wouldn't be because they were horrible drivers on the road, or because they were holding up a queue in the supermarket for silly reasons, but they would be hated because of Christ, because they believe in Christ. They hadn't done anything wrong but the world hates them, because of Christ. Christ was hated thought He hadn't done anything wrong. He was hated because He was helping others, that.. pretty crazy. 

There's so much to learn, so much to look forward to. Though the journey may be rough and bumpy and hard, for me, I take comfort in knowing that God is sovereign, that no matter what, He guides me, He strengthens me, He gives me the peace. That no matter what, He is glorified. And I pray, that I will glorify Him and not myself, for I am nothing, but He is, everything.

Hannah