What.

"What do you want to see, why do you keep fighting, why don't you just give up? "

Because I want to see the Word being taught, I want to see people's life changed because of what the Word says, not because of what they think it means. I don't mean having your struggles disappear completely and have it completely solved when you read the Word, but to know how great the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross is. To see the perspective of how little our problems are compared to our sins, the one thing we can't save ourselves from. I want to see people wanting to hear more about what the Bible says, what it means, to see how the issues faced by Christians in the Bible are the exact same ones we face in our world today.

I want to see the Word being centred, I want to see how a person changed from a diva to someone who knows how much better, having Christ is than anything in the world. And I don't want to give up, because I was that diva, but someone had invested in me, to show me how wonderful the Bible is, what it means to read it in context, not for what I want it to mean. I have to keep fighting because I don't want to see the Bible being put in second place because socialising is more important.

I do want to give up, and let things be, but I can't. I can't let go and let the Word of God be kept in a drawer, never to be taken out. And I can't give up, I'll be pressing on.

Today, I'm forced to face the sin of my pride, to realise how filthy and prideful I am, while the evil one tells me I should yell, saying I'm better than the rest, I know I'm not. Because I am still a sinner who did not deserve the grace of God but still had received it. I can't boast because none of it is my doing. Not a single thing in me was responsible for my own salvation. But I know, that the one inside of me, is stronger than the one outside, tempting me to get angry, to be frustrated, to be hurtful.

While the easy way out is to quit and give up, I won't. Instead, through it, I'll be more convicted of my faith, not by my own strength, but by the strength given to me by the One who saves. Through this, I will take it as a refinement process, to learn patience, to learn humility, humbleness, gracefulness, and gratefulness for the Word of God.

Pray for me, while I learn to put knowledge to practice, for humility to learn and humbleness to ask for forgiveness.
Pray for me as I struggle, that I will always be reminded of what Jesus had done for my sake.
Pray for me, as I learn to live a life following Jesus, choosing Him above everything else, remembering that He is the ultimate treasure and I don't need to keep searching.
And lastly, pray for me, for strength, courage to accept that things will never go my way, but pray that I will always be in tune with God's sovereign ways, and be obedient in my walk with Him.

Hannah