Identity.

"Lord, use me as You will, teach me obedience to follow Your ways and allow me to be a vessel for You."

Who knew, a simple prayer like the above years ago could've turned my life around.
Is it possible to be so overwhelmed with grace? To feel like I have a target on my back for opportunities to be used for God's kingdom's sake? And yet, I constantly go back to the question of, how is it that someone so broken, so scared, so terrified, so small, could be so loved by this God who had created everything, who had loved so much that He sent His Son, for my sake, to die on the Cross? How is it that this great God still loves me when I so often rebel and turn and forget about Him? How is it that this grace is mine to have even when I so often forget about Christ and His obedience to sacrifice?

But only one answer, isn't it? God's amazing, undeserving grace that He had allowed me to have an identity in Christ. To be adopted to His family through the sacrifice of His Son. Through Jesus, I am now able to have true security in my future, knowing that in all things, God is sovereign; heavenly significance, to be called a daughter by the Father; and eternal satisfaction, that only Jesus can give!

Our identity is who we are in Christ.

Hannah

Hope.

"But, is there any hope for this at all?" My doubtful self started. 

"Only when your hope is in Me, in the Cross I was crucified in, and in the power that brought me back to life and defeated death." My Lord answered my doubts. 

Only when you look back at the Cross and see your sins, the death you deserved. And see Christ selflessly sacrificing Himself so that you can be reconciled with God. And look towards the future, the glorious entrance of Christ Himself, the knowledge that you will be with Him forever, in worship and praise. Wouldn't that be what makes everything worth it?

Hannah

Depth.

Religion tells you, you sin - you pay. Do some good works and you may be okay with God.
But the message of the gospel tell you:
You sin, God pays, and you will be forgiven and made right with your relationship with God.

What depths of grace shown on the cross! What depths of love, of mercy, of undeserving grace. This grace that is known through the conviction of the Spirit by the power of God. To be made justified before God and to be constantly sanctified through the working of the Spirit to draw closer to God. This grace that leads to humble repentance. This grace that leads to accepting that we are weak, we need God, we are helpless.

Salvation through grace, but by faith alone, not by works. Just like a heart transplant, the process after the surgery will definitely be painful, physically. In the same way, the process is painful in this walk with God, but necessary. Just as God had taken our heart of stone, and gave us a heart of flesh, to obey, to want to seek Him, the body will constantly reject this "foreign object" that's been put in you. The body want to keep being of this world, to drown itself in sin, but the heart, strengthened by the Spirit as the helper to keep us going to Christ, to keep us pursuing holiness because God is holy. He reminds us of our sins, dealt with on the Cross, He helps us to bring us to repentance, to strengthen us when we are weak.

I am weak. But by God's grace, may His strength be shown in my weakness.

Hannah

2014.

2014, a look back. 

2014 was the first year I had to spend my birthday away from family. People I've met here tells me that they're sorry that I couldn't go home to spend Christmas with my family, that it must be hard for me, but Christmas isn't that hard to be away from home. Birthdays are. I've always spent my birthdays with family for 19 years of my life, it was hard to not have them by my side on my 20th earlier this year. It was different, and sometimes, different is the best you could get. It did snow on my birthday, for the first time that winter, which made it magical, but silly me, to sleep in that day because it was the only day I didn't have any morning class and missed the snow. (Safe to say, that I probably won't be sleeping in on my birthday in 2015.. ;) )

2014 was when I realise that my decision to study away from home came with a sacrifice of not being able to build firm friendship with people. It was the mixed feelings of joy and sadness to see them go through each milestone, to see and hear about their growth, but not being able to be a part of that process.

Sacrifice.

2014 was when I started to understand that nothing will be of my own strength or personal patience, but yet by God's strength and His grace that allowed me to persevere through. This year was when I was reminded that any kind of work done for the gospel will never be in vain. That in the end, God be glorified. Not me. 

2014 was when I begin reminding and preaching the gospel to myself, especially when I feel like I don't have time for it, because that's when I need it most. I started taking baby steps to see that stress and worries shouldn't exists because when you look towards the Cross of Christ, you see your biggest problem, the biggest thing that you should be worrying and stressing about - my sin - conquered, destroyed, forgiven because of a loving God, an obedient Son. And for that, by God's grace, I will be forever thankful and reminded of it. 

2014 was when I was reminded that I'm no better than people I meet everywhere, I am still a sinner that had somehow, in some, curious, mysterious, but yet, also miraculous and glorious way received God's grace upon my life as well. 

2014 was when I lived in my head. I've always lived in my head a lot, but this year, I've been doing that more than before. Maybe it's the huge amount of alone time I have, it helps in me being more reflective, but sometimes, the silence alone becomes too comfortable, too addictive.

2014 was when I learnt how to work with others. I learnt that the primary focus is Jesus being taught, His ministry, His life, Hid death, His resurrection. As the gospel is being taught, everything else is secondary to uniting believers in faith. 

2014 was when I started to learn how to build genuine relationships, to open up myself to be shot down, and how to communicate more effectively. That while I struggle, I find myself being more and more dependent on God, knowing that I am nothing without Christ. 

Most of the year, I've spent focused on the gospel, on growing my faith, but in the past few months, I've been learning about unity between believers, all for the sake of the gospel. I've been learning the importance of support from other believers, and how encouragement and edifying words to each other is very much needed in the Christian life. I have been given opportunities to, in some ways, put what I've learnt in my head, into practice. It definitely wasn't easy to do, takes more patience than I had imagined,but God's mercies are renewed everyday, the joy of knowing His love and goodness for me brings indescribable passion to see the Word of God being preached.

2014 has been a year indeed. Many times, I think of what would've been or could've been if ____. But yet, I have been placed in where I am for a reason, and I am thankful for all that God had provided for me. It may not have been the most "ideal" situation, but I have learnt so much from being in these "non-ideal" situations, and I don't think I would have it any other way.

2014, I grew,
physically - a little bit chubbier before the summer;
academically - made it to second year of my degree;
mentally - feeling a tad bit wiser now than I was earlier this year.. ;
spiritually - Definitely learnt a lot and matured a little in my thinking.

Here's to 2015, I'm excited to see what the New Year brings.

Hannah

Prayer.

Trust God, more than you trust yourself.

Dearest heavenly Father, 

Thank you, for an opportunity to be working with people. Thank you for the struggles, for the opportunity to put Romans 1-3 into practice, to be reminded to be humble, that I was once dead, with nothing good at all in me, with no desire whatsoever to seek the true God who loves, but was made alive through Jesus and the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

Thank you for Jesus, and the Cross. Thank you, that you so loved us, loved me, that you sent Jesus to the World, born of a virgin. Thank you for the obedience and humility of Jesus, up to his walk to the Cross. Thank you that He was in control, up to his very last breath. 

Thank you that Jesus had died for my transgression, paid the price for my sins, but did not stay dead, yet three days later, rose again, and never to die again. 

Thank you, Father, that Jesus will come again one day, and on that day, I will finally be home, to where I will truly belong. 

Help me, Father, to always remember how temporary this place is, that I do not belong here. Help me to take the opportunity to be sharing the good news of Jesus to others, because of how temporary life is. 

Give me the wisdom to know the right words to say, to be aware of where your Spirit leads, and to give me the strength to persevere through evangelism, even if it seems that there is no fruits to be sown. 

By Your grace, help me to always be reminded of Christ on the Cross, that I may never forget the great love of sacrifice that was paid for me. Help me to always know that no matter how big my troubles are, my biggest problem, my problem with sin had been conquered on the Cross. And I can rest assured that Your grace is enough. 

Help me to humble myself, to walk as Christ walked, with great humility and gentleness, having my eyes only focused on one- the One who had saved my soul. 

Thank you for the promise of the Cross, for mercy and grace and unfailing love that forgives as I fail to love you each day. 

Help me to not take this amazing grace for granted, but know that it is the power for me to say "no" to sin. 

Thank you for the material blessings, and help me to desire you more than anything here on earth. 

Thank you for the fellowship with Christian believers, and help me to edify others in my conversations. 

By Your grace and sovereign Will, may all that I do, bring glory to you. That others may see you through my life and praise You, the King, instead of the lowly servant. 

In Christ's name

Amen

Hannah