Good?

Five years ago, I wrote this, I was in a place of inadequacy and wrote about how as people we tend to value earthly impressions and treasures more than heavenly ones. We thank God for Jesus who had saved us from our sins, yet act as if we can save ourselves. 

Five years later, many things has changed. It would be difficult to admit that I've not felt insufficient since. For many times, I've felt like I'm not good enough. I've had my share of doors slamming shut in my face, telling me that I am not good enough to do something. But each of these situations allowed me to learn more of what God's perfectly sufficient grace towards me is like. 

The reason for our "not good enough" feeling is because we aren't. Tell someone to save themselves from the eternal damnation from the constant rejection of God and we can't save ourselves, no matter how we arm ourselves with moral values and good works. It is because we're not good enough. 

Perfection in mortal men doesn't exist. It is a horrible lie that we all seem to believe that we can achieve by ourselves. We strive to be the one without fault. But perfection is meaningless when we ourselves, as imperfect beings try to make something perfect. It doesn't work, and it won't work.

But the only way to be good enough is through the one who is perfect. The only way for us to be good enough for God is through Jesus' cross. It is the cross that reconciles us to the Father, it is the cross that allows us to be "good enough" to be His people. It is not by the things that we’ve done, nor the rules we now need to follow, rather it is through the actions of one obedient man, who gave up his heavenly throne to be mocked, beaten and humiliated on the cross.

If good = perfection, then none of us is good. But in our inadequacy, the cross of Christ covers us, so that because of Him, we can be good enough as we stand before the Father. 

And ironically, not being good enough, is the best reason for us to rejoice! 

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14

Hannah 

Unsuspecting Joy.

I love knowing endings. When I read a story book, I'll read the last chapter so that I know the end of it as I read the book. When I watch movies, where possible, I'll be reading the plot and summary of the movie as it plays. And yes, I am that horrible friend to watch anything with. But I love knowing how it ends and seeing how each character works their way to the ending. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense to many, but somehow, that's how I'm wired.

So here's a story that is still awaiting an ending, or rather, an ending towards a chapter rather than a whole story.

As I go into my final year of uni and being a student, the other more daunting decision of "what's next" starts haunting me. And as much as I'd love to confidently share my plans for the next 5 years, I can't, because I don't know what they are.

I remember being in the same position three years ago as I decide on uni, but it seems like back then, my choices were safer, my world was smaller, my heart was so much more adventurous than I am now. But I also had my share of let downs then, when I shot for what I thought was best for me, but God had other plans. I was disappointed then, sure, but as I look back on my journey, it became one of the biggest joy I could ever receive.

So as I contemplate my future, this time, while my choices suddenly became so scary, my world so so much bigger than when I started, my heart, that's not willing to be uprooted just yet; I am reminded time and time again that the Lord is always good, always sovereign. And what I think is good for my career might not be true for my faith. But living in the light of eternity is trusting that God works for the good of those who love Him, even if that good doesn't seem good at that time. But then again, I'm looking at life and the world in a fallen position while God sees and knows and holds the future.

And therefore, I don't know where I'll be in a year, and I don't know what my plans are. But I do know that I will keep looking for opportunities, and learn humility as God closes the doors that aren't good for me. I do know that I will continue to learn to trust Him and His Sovereign ways, especially when my sinful and selfish flesh desires something else. And I do know that no matter what, I do pray that God be glorified and Jesus be shown in my weakness and that He keep hold of me in the faith.

So this is an incomplete chapter of my story, of a broken, selfish, imperfect girl, who knows and believes the truth, but is struggling to truly trust in this period of uncertainty.

Hannah

Fire.

But in a fire, what is worth saving? 

Fear.

Looking back, there were many times when I was gripped by fear; fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of my own safety, fear of trials, uncertainty, fear of examination, interview, life.

Maybe we are the generation that has the privilege to work for what we want instead of our survival. We were given the option and because of the varied choice and multiple paths, the world at our disposal, that we are more fearful of the things to come. The world is much smaller now than it was a few decades ago.

Maybe because of this, we have a sense of entitlement, that we deserved something because of how we were raised or the culture we were brought up in.

But yet, the things we fear are so menial compared to what we should fear. We fear things like spider, not getting your first class degree, your dream job, when we should fear the fact that we are not working to please God, that we are not honouring Him with our words, that we don't praise Him or glorify Him enough.

Maybe the bottom conclusion is that we don't fear God Himself enough. We don't look at his mighty works through Jesus with awe, we don't listen, and really listen, to God's Words through Scripture anymore. Our priority is no longer God-centred, but self-centred. We are constantly working to please our thirst for more. More power, more money, more experience, more cars etc. While not all things are bad, we could be working to satisfy our hunger for more prayer, more time spent with the Scripture, more biblical teaching etc. But do we?

I am not to say that I have reached the goal of perfection, far far far from it, actually. But my thoughts are that if one day, when perfectly and completely sanctified, my priorities would be nothing but Christ's priorities, my thoughts would be nothing but Christ's thoughts, my actions would reflect Christ's actions, and that would be the day that my fear of the temporary would stop crippling me and holding me down.

But there is no reason to fear, no reason to be afraid of failure, of not getting the dream job. There is no reason for that because as Christians, our future is fully secured in Christ. Our eternal future, the one future that matters the most is sealed with much grace, much love and the blood of Christ. And fear of the temporary, is undermining God's rule over your life. And that's so challenging, but depend on Him, the One who will see you through all trials.  

“God could have over-ruled every difficulty in your way, had he seen it expedient. But he is pleased to show you, that you depend not upon men—but upon himself; and that, notwithstanding your situation, may exclude you from some advantages in point of outward means. He who has begun a good work in you, is able to carry it on, in defiance of all seeming hindrances, and make all things (even those which have the most unfavorable appearances) work together for your good.” 
- John Newton. The Letters of John Newton


Hannah

Resurrection.

"Why do you look for the living among the dead? 

He is not here, he has risen!" 

- Luke 24:5-6

We rejoice for victory is of Christ, victory over sin, over death, over the enemy.
We rejoice for death is defeated.
We rejoice as Christ's joy fills our hearts
We rejoice for we know that one day, we too, will rise again.

May we grow in the likeness of Christ, to grasps the great worth that is Jesus Himself.
May we grow in trust to confidently agree with Paul that "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing knowledge of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I count everything as rubbish, in order that I may be found in Him." Philippians 3:8

Happy resurrection Sunday! For death has no sting, hell has no victory! And one day, Christ will restore everything and we will be with Him till no end.

Hannah