Age.

She stood there, as life all around her past by, each having their own lives, having their own thoughts, having their own laughters. They're just kids, she told herself, they're just going through a phase that I did, when I was their age too. But she didn't have anyone to rely on when she was their age, did they have anyone to rely on now? It was like watching a replay of her old life, years ago. It pains her, but it was so so real. 

She remembers being their age, age of rebel, age of attention, age of popularity, age of growth, age of friends, age of cliques. Especially cliques, she was a huge part of one. Tearing people down, making others feel like they're less significant, doing things and saying words that left a scar on others. To her, it was a been there, done that. And her journey was a rough and hard and unending one. Even up till now, she was still paying the huge price of all that she was years before. 

She remembers herself being loud and obnoxious, maybe that past had also been a reason why her personality had changed so much. She remembers herself always trying to be in the centre of attention by blurting out everything that she thought was "funny" just so people will know her name. Maybe that's why she's more towards the background than being in the front. She remembers how cold and mean she was to other people, and maybe that's why she tries to love others more now. 

Most of all, when she saw them, she saw herself. And it breaks her heart to see that, but there's a glimpse of hope, knowing how she turned out, though still paying the price for it, there still is hope, and by God's grace and God's timing, no matter what, God is sovereign through it all. 

Hannah

Waiting.

Its been a month, and I'm still waiting, waiting for a reply from the one last university, the most important one I'd say since that's my first choice. Not too hopeful about it considering how I did at the interview, but in the end, it's not about me. Through the interview process with multiple universities for a spot with them, I had learned that God's timing is always perfect. Though most of the time I don't see it, and grumble at the fact that things are coming and piling up on me at the worst time ever, but in the end, I saw how great God is and truly how perfect His timing is. How He sets the time for every season of my life, and He sees the big picture.

It's been a tiresome year already, reflecting on how excited I was to get into college just over a year ago. And now I'm going to be closing another chapter of life in about 2 more months. Final hurdle, final stretch, final push, and it's over. Looking back at how much I've grown, learnt, remembering the times I fell, and how hard it was to get back up, even now, that I'm still learning to heal. God have really been ever present throughout these times, knowing what's best for me, giving me what I needed.

I guess through everything, even if i don't get what I've always wanted, I'm praying for myself that I'll still praise Him through it all, that I'll still glorify the King, for He is the only one that deserves all glory and praise.
I've learnt, and I'm still learning, to not grumble and mumble when I don't get something I want, and I'm constantly reminding myself that all I really deserve is death from God's wrath because of my sin. But His grace and mercy had pardon me and God had shown His love for me, to the uttermost.

"God is most glorified in us 

when we are most satisfied in Him"

-John Piper

Hannah

Changes.

Changes;

It happens all around us, Winter changes to Spring; and Spring to Summer; Summer to Autumn; and Autumn back to Winter.

As much as most of us hate changes, it is still continuous in our lives, and no matter how much we dread it, change is required, to make us someone better, to help us, overcome fears, face pain, and learn to adapt again. 

Deal with the past, don't hide it and let it slowly engulf you, bit by bit, without realizing it. 

Know that in all things, God is good, and He will always be good.

Trust Him, in all things, with all your heart, for He holds the future.

Thank Him, in all things, the good and the bad, thank Him, for the cross, for His mighty Work and Saving power on Calvary

Praise Him, for only He deserve all praise.

This is also a reminder for myself

I'll be okay, God is in control. 

Hannah

In Awe.

God is truly truly amazing. Not just in this moment of my life, but He has been throughout my whole life. Guiding me through each and every obstacle, providing a solution for my problems, sometimes I just refuse to take it. 

I am simply in awe of how He guided me, my path, from where I was lost, in the darkness, all alone, and He led me to Himself, He provided me with leaders and friends that I could lean on, that I could learn from. 

As uncertain as the year may be, sometimes all I want to do is to grab hold of everything I could, to regain control, but I have to tell myself to hold back, and allow God to do His work in me. 

When I started to feel like things are going in the wrong direction, I have to remind myself that no matter how hard things go, it'll be for my good, as it is in God's Will. 

And I'm looking forward to every new day.

Hannah

Amazed.

Sincerest apologies from this imperfect sinful author.

January has been a hectic month for me, but nevertheless, God has been good, showing grace and mercy. Teaching me about His love for me, and reassuring me that His love is unconditional for me. 

God has been amazing the past month. With a total of 4 weeks of examinations, and the stress level at it's peak in the middle of it all, God shown time and time again how little faith I have in Him, broke me down to build me up again IN Him. Though the process is painful and the journey is tough, I look forward to the end result and to see Christ in all His glory, and to be able to look back at my life and know that I've made an impact to someone. 

Birthday this year was rather quiet, with little surprises by some people. Made me realized that if I leave for University this year, my birthday next year wouldn't be with these special people anymore, and my family wouldn't be there also. 

Today has just been an incredible day for me, new experience and God's perfect Will and how God's timing is perfect in everything, even though I don't see it sometimes. 

Sometimes, it is about spending time with God in prayer instead of rushing to study or research assignments and all. It is knowing that He is sovereign and to trust in His plans for your future, to let go of the love we have for other things, and to just be fully consumed by the love He has for us. 

It is to continuously repent for our sins and beg for forgiveness.

To have constant fights between the Spirit and the flesh. 

To be refreshed by the Word of God.

To do things out of the love He has for us, not out of obligation, but because we want to.

And most importantly, to keep Christ as the centre of our focus.

Let us strive, together, and keep Christ in the centre of our lives and not an add on. 

Hannah