Bubble.

Maybe it's time to step out of that prefect little bubble, and stand up for the Truth, no matter what it takes,

Salvation is a gift. And it sure it. But after receiving the gift of salvation, our whole life changes. Our perspectives changes BECAUSE of salvation. We do not continue living life just as it is, but we found our purpose, to live for the Gospel. For Christ and we no longer live for ourselves.

Many people misunderstood salvation. I too, was one of them, thinking that a simple prayer that I recited after the pastor would save me and I'll be going to heaven if I die. Sure, to a certain extend that was true. As true repentance should be present in a Christians life. But then again, how can you go on living life just like how you did before after realizing what God had done for you? What Christ had done on the cross.

That was how my life was, a Christian who goes to church every week. For what reason? Not to spend time getting fed by the word, but because my friends were there. My excitement when going to church was directly proportional to the number of close friends that were going to be there. And outside of church, I had lived my life just like everyone else. What was the different between me and everyone else, honestly, nothing much. We were the same. Except that one small time where I said the sinners prayer. ( which to be honest, I prolly just said it because I didn't wanna burn and rot in hell, who does, right?)

But by God's grace He had provided me with leaders that were helpful in many ways. And He had opened my eyes to the true meaning of the Gospel and how I had taken that one small sinners prayer to be my key to heaven. But that little prayer doesn't mean anything if your life doesn't change with it. Just knowing that Christ died on that Cross isn't enough. Knowing that He was God, the Saviour, the Messiah wasn't enough. Even the devil believed and know that Christ was God, that He was the Saviour, The Messiah. Knowing isn't enough. It's living it out. And consuming yourself into all that He is. It is surrendering your whole life because of His great and amazing work.

It is stepping out of your prefect bubble and standing up for the truth.
It is being in awe of God's grace upon your life and knowing that you can't live the same any more after knowing His mercy and grace.
It is having a new relationship with sin, because you have a new relationship with God. -Paul washer
It is loving other with all your heart, though its hard-- because God had first shown His love to lowly sinners like you and I.
It is knowing that your life, isn't your life anymore. But it was bought with a price, it was bought with the blood of the son of God.
It is to be truly convicted by the word of God.


I'm learning. And everyday, there's something new in stored for me. And everyday, there's a need to thank God for His grace. In the midst of my busy-ness and worldliness where I cared more about my studies, activities compared to His grace and mercy, He remains faithful while I remain unstable. He picks me up while I fall down and start licking my own wounds. And He reminds me of everything that I had been blessed with. As Christians, as we suffer persecution, rejection, being called a blasphemy, though we endure the sufferings externally, yet we rejoice on the inside. We rejoice knowing that no matter what, Christ's Work on the Cross had justified us. Not because of the puny little "good" things that we have done, but because of God's immense love and grace, that He had shown to us.

I've been tired, worn out, exhausted, drained. Everyone sees me and ask,"why do you look so tired? what time did you sleep?"  Things have been a bit crazy with external exams in January, Universities applications needs to be completed soon, worrying about my forecast results and what not, worrying about the fund for university. Realizing that it is so expensive to complete an undergraduate programme now. And not wanting to burden my parents, my dad especially for this huge chuck of fees that has to go into my education. So, things have been insane. With the last week of musical practices before the final curtain closes.
And I pray to God, that He sustain me on my walk with Him, until He returns, or calls me home. But not my will, But Lord, Your Will be done.

Hannah

Living.

I can't. I can't keep living like I want Christ, but I want the World too. I can't. Because it is God on one side of the balance, and everything else on the other. Being a disciple of Christ means to surrender EVERYTHING. You would have to give up your life! It's being totally surrendered to Him. 

"You must transfer all that you are, and all that you have, to all that HE is."

Have you counted the cost? Have you realize how big and great God is, and will you be willing to sacrifice everything you have because you know the surpassing worth in knowing Christ? Because no matter what happens after life, wherever you go, God will be glorified, no matter what. 

It's scary, for me, for the past couple of months, it's been an intense ride. I hadn't realize the reality of it all, but a glimpse of the reality of how tough it will be. But would I be willing to give it all up because of Christ? Will I be willing to sacrifice all that I have, in knowing Him? Am I willing to be totally surrendered to Him. 

 Why wouldn't I? Why shouldn't I? He had redeemed me from eternal condemnation, from eternal pain and fire. For my sins had been washed away, by one atoning death. The death of the Son, the Son of God.

How immense God's love is for us that He would be willing to send His Son, God's Son, He's no ordinary man, but He is God's Son. Yet, two thousand years ago, it was my sins that had nailed Him on the cross. It was me, that had shamelessly condemned the One who paid for my sin, it was me and my evil desires that had cause God to turn away from His Son, His only Son. It was me, the sin within me, shamelessly, joyfully mocking Christ as He paid for my sins. It's sickening. 

Sin is sickening, but yet we keep running back to it, we keep tangling ourselves with sin, and just enjoying the moments of being like the world, being liked by people. But we're not suppose to be like the world, Christians are suppose to be set apart, because they have the Holy Spirit in them. And ultimately, Christians would be hated by the World, for the world first hated Christ. And yet we strive to be liked by other. Of course, if the world hates us, the Christians, it wouldn't be because they were horrible drivers on the road, or because they were holding up a queue in the supermarket for silly reasons, but they would be hated because of Christ, because they believe in Christ. They hadn't done anything wrong but the world hates them, because of Christ. Christ was hated thought He hadn't done anything wrong. He was hated because He was helping others, that.. pretty crazy. 

There's so much to learn, so much to look forward to. Though the journey may be rough and bumpy and hard, for me, I take comfort in knowing that God is sovereign, that no matter what, He guides me, He strengthens me, He gives me the peace. That no matter what, He is glorified. And I pray, that I will glorify Him and not myself, for I am nothing, but He is, everything.

Hannah

Uphill.

Sometimes you're just so tired of this uphill battle, and it's scary. Like a roller coaster ride, the higher it takes you, the longer it'll fall, the faster it'll go, and the scarier it'll get. But everything's so messed up now, honestly, I don't know whether I'm going through the uphill battle, or just falling downwards. 

Like a cup of water that was filled to the brim, yesterday's episode of everyone just screaming, shouting and scolding each other, it was some someone decided to pour a full bucket of water into a small cup, until it overflowed. My head turned on me and my eyes failed me then. Suddenly all of the haunted thoughts that I had hidden at the back of my head decided that it wanted to be heard, my plans of wanting to deal with all of the thoughts after my exams failed miserably. And that was it, Hannah breaking down. All the stress, the pressure, the insane weight of decisions needed to be made, just spilled over. Worst part was the timing. 

I promised myself that I would never go back to the way it was last time, how badly I was affected and how badly I responded to the situation. And now, I haven't gotten there, though times are hard now, somehow there's always a strength pushing me forward, and that is Christ's strength in me. Though sometimes I feel down, or worthless, but yet, I know, there's someone greater, someone much more knowledgeable than everyone else, that holds my future. That doesn't mean I sit around doing nothing, but I have to do my part too, by spending time with the Word, to know what is His Will in my life. 

I've got 8 months left of college, I'm not sure what to feel about it. Mixed feelings I would say, excited for a new chapter in life, though still very unclear, and maybe even unwilling to let go of this phrase of my life. 

10 months into life as a college student, some people say that college was the best part of life. It certainly was a journey of experience for me, with just a mere 10 months, it had taught me to value friendship, value time, and value every small moment spent with each person. It showed me that people still care, that they're concern about your well-being. It motivated me to work for what I wanted. 

This time next year, on the 12th of October 2013, I don't know where I'll be at, whether overseas or at a hostel of a local university, or maybe even back home. It's the first time that the future of where I'll be being so unclear and foggy. But as time passes, I know it'll start to clear. And wherever I'll be in a years time, all I'm praying is that I don't lose sight of the One who laid down His life for me on Calvary. That I won't be immune to the fact that Christ paid the ransom for my life, that I will still be walking faithfully in my walk with God. 

Preserve me, God, in my walk.

Hannah

Three quarters.

And just like that, three quarters of the year is gone. It's the final 3 months left of the year. Reflecting about the year, what have I done.

To classify the first three quarters of the year, I would say that time really did flew by. It's hard to comprehend how fast it flew by, and now we're in October already. It had been a roller coaster ride but nevertheless, still more ups than downs. Or rather, I'd rather remember the ups than the downs. The downfall of life was harsh and sudden. But what do you do when you have such an unexpected downhill moment? For me, it was tough, and there was a constant struggle to remind myself of Christ, reminding myself of Christ's work on the Cross, and telling myself that no matter what, look towards Christ, trust God. 

It's hard though, to tell myself to trust in something I can't see. But that's what faith is, and though my faith isn't as strong as some pastor or the apostles, it's growing, and that's what matters. 

The downhill moments that I had experience had taught me that when I'm weak, God is strong, and truly, in my weakness, His strength will not forsake me. To keep reminding myself of God's grace and God's mercy upon my life. 

Through this rough patch, God's strength is really pulling me on, going forward, knowing that there's nothing to fear. 

Trials is in less than 2 weeks, unprepared, and I know how important this is. 

Whatever it is, do it for the glory of God, not for self. 

Hannah

September

Have you ever told yourself, "this isn't how it's suppose to be?"

The journey of faith, the process of finding yourself. Its tough, and honestly, sometimes I feel so lost, so abandoned, so alone. How did everything got to where it is now? How did everything end up this way. 

The hardest part is knowing the Truth, and knowing that what I grew up being taught wasn't the Truth. It's tough that it feels like I have to go against what I was raised in. Its hard, and it's scary to not know what lies ahead of me. To not know what the future hold, because I won't be able to prepare for it. But then again, I know who holds the future. And all I need to do is to trust the Creator, to know that God is sovereign and whatever comes my way, it is upon His Will and not mine. 

I don't know what lies ahead, but as I laid my head down yesterday night, I had imagined myself needing to choose a side. How has it all come to this?
And so I often tell myself,
Remember the Cross? Remember the innocent blood shed for my sins? Remember how I am bought with a price? Remember how Christ had paid the ransom?
Looking at Christ's work on the Cross, Looking at God's grace and mercy upon my life, Looking at the Holy Spirit's work in me.
And all I could do is thank the Lord. And even that is not enough.

Do we run? Or do we stand up for the Truth?
I don't want to be constantly account my spiritual walk with God based on my feeling. Because feeling fluctuates, but one thing that remains the same is God, His Love, and His amazing grace towards my life.

These internal struggles, they're hard and frustrating, but then again, theres joy. JOY!
Rejoicing in the Lord, Joy that God had given me the grace to opened up my eyes to the things unseen. Joy that because of Christ, I now stand justified.

As I begin to understand why it is not going to be possible for me to stay there the rest of my life. I slowly begin to disagree with what I was being taught. I begin to feel upset and disappointed in how I had lived my whole life a lie because of it. I begin to feel mad and then hopeless. What can I do? What am I suppose to do? And again, what can I do?

God is sovereign.

Hannah