Valentine.

Let me tell you of the greatest love of all.
One that no red roses, no amount of chocolate, no amount of pink confetti hearts could afford.
But the love that is free. 

It's a funny paradox, isn't it? A love so great, that no earthly, material gifts could afford, how then, can it be free? 

This is a love that is secure, a love that overwhelms, a love that is home-ly. 
This is a love that so many yearn for, a love that many look for, but they look for it in people who fail them. Many look for this love in others, they look for the other person to satisfy them, to fill their void, their need for love, their need for validation, their need to be needed.
A completely normal, human desire.

But yet, this greatest love of all will never fail. 
It is a gift that promises all things and more and fulfils it;
It is the fragrant red roses that will never die;
It is the yummy box of chocolates that will satisfy you forever, not just for 5 minutes. 
It is so much more than all we can ever imagine it to be. 

It is the love that bore the crown of thorns, the love that endured physical torture, emotional pain, spiritual disconnection. 
It is the love that, "though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God as something to grasps" (Phillippians 2:6) 
It is the love that empties Himself so that we can be reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5:21) 
It is the love that loves perfectly, sacrificially and obediently. 

It is the love that God has for His people, to send Jesus to die for our sins so that we can be reconciled back to this perfect love. 

And if this is the greatest love, are we really bold enough to ignore it? This love, unaffordable by the things of the world, only asks for you to have a little faith, trust in God, to believe that He is our Saviour. Because even in this bleak world, there is hope, but only in the Cross of Christ. 

Hannah

Twenty twenty.

2020. The year no one expected. The year many were indoors for months on end. The year where the busiest cities in the world paused, the crowds dispersed, the shops shut. Families apart for a long time, with minimal to no physical contact. 

You've learnt to smile with your eyes, you've learnt the importance of technology. You've learnt to be grateful for what you've got. You've learnt how privileged you really are. I certainly have. 

2020, a year where so many plans were cancelled, postponed, delayed. New plans made, new plans cancelled. A year of heartaches, loneliness, confusion, frustration. A year of joy, of quietness, of productivity, of unexpectedness. 

2020, a year with much to be thankful for. 
Through difficulties, I'm thankful for friends and family who have been a stable companion, a listening ear, an encouraging pal. 
I'm thankful for a job that keeps going when times have been so tough on so many. 
I'm thankful for a workplace that is friendly enough to feel like you're apart of something. 
I'm thankful for the church family, who despite rough and difficult times, to continue preaching the good news of the gospel through various media, who had faithfully continued to feed the sheep.
I'm thankful for so many material things, a car, a roof, a bed, running water and more than sufficient food. 
I'm thankful for friends, near and far who checks in, through calls, and pray with and for you, encouraging you in your walk with God. 
I'm thankful for Jesus, who had come as a helpless baby, for the sake of love, to reconcile us back to God the Father, the Creator. 
I'm thankful that God does not leave us helpless in our sins, but graciously provide a way of salvation, through Jesus' death on the Cross, and His resurrection that shows He has defeated death and sin. 
I'm thankful for the many people who remind me of that. 
I'm thankful for many things, many of which I cannot boast in myself. 

2020 was difficult, challenging, frustrating, but tough times are growth times. 
If 2021 continues to be as hard and difficult, maybe at the end of it, we can rejoice and marvel at how we've grown in the Lord and praise Him. 

One thing that I know is sure, is that God is sovereign and good. I am called to be a faithful servant of His', and I know that my future is secured in His everlasting arms. 

To more grateful habits, and more runs:
Happy new year!

Hannah 

Light

Dear friends, strangers, and even quiet stalkers who check back in on my blog every so often,

Some might have noticed that this blog went private a while ago. And I've not written anything for a long time either. The past 18 months have been a difficult journey for me. It has been one of struggle, hurt and grief.

So through that difficult times, I wrote as a personal journal, and the rawness and unintelligible words that had flowed through were messy and difficult to understand. Writings that I cannot bring myself to share.

Yet, in those difficulties, there is a constant light and grace shown to me. So much that I am and can be thankful for, even in dark times.

I am thankful for warm fellowship, people who allowed me to quietly be a part of their family, however chaotic or messy it is.
I am thankful for a job that I enjoy, for the opportunities given to me.
I am thankful for the church, God's people who had been so kind and loving.

And most importantly, I am thankful for God's unending grace. Because in the darkness, when things are hard and I can't find my way out, and I can't see anything to be grateful for, I am reminded of Christ's finished work on the Cross, for my sake. That while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. ( Romans 5:8). And because of that, I have hope in the darkness. I have eternal and everlasting security in Christ, the one who commands the waves to be still.

But tough times are growth times, and these times are sanctifying my faith, to the glory of God.

Hannah

365.

It's funny how much three hundred and sixty-five days can change your life. 

Thinking back a year ago, I had recently graduated, four years of university life had come to an end, but I knew that the studying had not ended. for at the end of my year of work, there are still papers to be sat for, and passed before I officially qualify. 

And today, three hundred and sixty-five days later, I find myself on the register, as a qualified professional. How did I get here?

Through the year, I see God's hands leading and guiding, providing as I walk with Him. Yet through the year, I have failed Him. doubted, questioned His righteousness. Everyday, I don't love God as I should, I don't love people as I should. But everyday, God's mercy renewed, for He holds on to me, patiently holding on to me, holding fast to my faith, for without it, I will surely fail. 

And three hundred and sixty-five days had been showered with much tears, more than I cared to admit. Yet in tears, I can thank God for Christ. 

For no matter how I feel, in Christ, there is no condemnation. Oh, the grace and mercy shown on the cross! 

For no matter how I feel, I can rest in the unchanging truth of the death and resurrection of Christ. 

For no matter how I feel, the victory with sin had been won. 

For no matter how I feel, there is great joy to be found in the Cross of Christ. 

For when my faith is weak, all I can do is to plea that He holds me to Himself, keeping me to persevere and endure this race. 

What next? Whatever it is, I am called to be a faithful servant, wherever I am. 

Hannah 

Contentment.

As a nine-month-old adult, there is much that I have yet to learn. There is much future to contemplate as someone just starting out. What do I want to do for the rest of my life? Where do I want to accomplish these desires in? What kind of pathway do I want to take for my career? What are my priorities in life? Where will life lead me, where will God lead me? 

Over the past few years, the one thing that keeps coming back to my mind is contentment. Contentment in Christ. It is so easy to say "Christ is enough", we sing it all the time, but yet when things get tough, when it doesn't go our way, will Christ still be enough for us?

Being content and trusting that God works for the good of His people, according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Being content is not just "letting go and letting God", I believe that it is more than that, it is holding all you have with an open palm. It's doing and going for opportunities that come, but allowing God to close the doors that aren't right. It is holding our desires secondary to the advancement of God kingdom.

And that's hard, that is so difficult to do. Which is why contentment isn't something that comes naturally to us. We're people who strive for the next best thing, once our goals are achieved, we continue to find new goals, new targets, we're never satisfied. We have 10-year goals, 5-year goals, things that we would like to achieve before we turn 25, 30, 60! And those aren't bad things, having goals keeps us going, it prevents us from being idle. But how do you balance between being overly ambitious but also being content in Christ and His finished work on the Cross?

That's why contentment in Christ is learned. As Paul had learned how to be content in whatever situation he is in (Philippians 4:11).

I think that contentment is learned through chasing ambitions, but the constant, intentional self-reminder of Christ throughout our day. It's the open palm humility to allow God to lead and guide you, trusting that He is good. And when Satan plants the seed of doubt in your mind, telling you that God isn't good, that He doesn't love, run back to the feet of the Cross and see the gift that this good, loving Father has given. The gift of life, one that cost Him everything. It is what flow from knowing God's goodness and His word, and living it out in our lives, trusting Him, even when things are bleak, difficult, when things don't seem right, when God's people are suffering, and we think, how are these things working for the good of His people, the good of God's glory?

Learning to be content in Christ is a daily decision to allow God to work, to choose Christ daily, to have eternity in mind, not just the here and now. Contentment is realising that our lives on Earth are merely a mist compared to eternity.

Learning contentment is putting God's glorification above my own self-satisfaction.

And oh, how much more I still have to learn. To say 'yes' and chase wise opportunities, but also learn to be content, trusting in God's sovereignty and grow in faith when disappointments arise.

Hannah

God Glorified.

"Why do you look for the living among the dead?

He is not here; He has risen!"

Luke 24:5-6

How glorious that the One who sacrificially died to give us life, does not remain dead in the grave, but conquered and defeated sin.

How glorious that the One who suffered for our sake, though faultless himself, died so that through His death, we can be counted righteous. 

How glorious that God's way of redemption wasn't a physical redemption, but an eternal redemption. 

And so we wait for the day when Christ returns, to restore, to judge, so that we can praise Him perfectly forevermore. 

Hannah

Lone.

How do you feel so alone in a city that is considered one of the busiest city in the world?

Maybe its because loneliness doesn’t describe the state of one’s environment, but the mental state of one’s self.

For the past four years, I’ve never felt like an outsider. People that I’ve met, in church or in Uni, took me in, welcomed me into their homes, opened up to me about their lives. They cared for me, not like a foreigner, but like family. Because that’s what relationship within a church is like – family. The church becomes an extremely important global family for foreigners around the world in a new place. It is of such comfort to know that there is a family wherever you go. You may not know them, but that’s the joy of Christian union. It’s the warmth of family without borders through the blood of Christ.

After a meeting to sort out my visa, I was on the train ride back into the city and my heart felt so heavy, I felt so alone in this world. In that moment, I felt like an immigrant, I desired a home and I did not like feeling that way. I wanted to go home, I longed for a place where I'm not considered an immigrant. And I longed for Christ’s return. It was at that point when I've probably felt what it meant as Christians to be exiles and foreigners in this world. I felt like a foreigner in this place where I've grown so comfortable in. but yet, it was such a reminder that it is only temporary, that there is a home, a perfect home with the Creator to come one day.

The hope of everlasting praise and glory to the King, where nothing is broken, no tears of hurt and pain, where Christian exiles and foreigners can truly belong. Each day, I find myself longing for it, desiring Christ and being comforted that God will never leave nor forsake those He loves.

Through my trials, I've learnt to trust Him, to understand the need for the tough times, because where is growth but in difficult times?

A brand new chapter awaits and it is exciting to see what it will bring.

Hannah

Good?

Five years ago, I wrote this, I was in a place of inadequacy and wrote about how as people we tend to value earthly impressions and treasures more than heavenly ones. We thank God for Jesus who had saved us from our sins, yet act as if we can save ourselves. 

Five years later, many things has changed. It would be difficult to admit that I've not felt insufficient since. For many times, I've felt like I'm not good enough. I've had my share of doors slamming shut in my face, telling me that I am not good enough to do something. But each of these situations allowed me to learn more of what God's perfectly sufficient grace towards me is like. 

The reason for our "not good enough" feeling is because we aren't. Tell someone to save themselves from the eternal damnation from the constant rejection of God and we can't save ourselves, no matter how we arm ourselves with moral values and good works. It is because we're not good enough. 

Perfection in mortal men doesn't exist. It is a horrible lie that we all seem to believe that we can achieve by ourselves. We strive to be the one without fault. But perfection is meaningless when we ourselves, as imperfect beings try to make something perfect. It doesn't work, and it won't work.

But the only way to be good enough is through the one who is perfect. The only way for us to be good enough for God is through Jesus' cross. It is the cross that reconciles us to the Father, it is the cross that allows us to be "good enough" to be His people. It is not by the things that we’ve done, nor the rules we now need to follow, rather it is through the actions of one obedient man, who gave up his heavenly throne to be mocked, beaten and humiliated on the cross.

If good = perfection, then none of us is good. But in our inadequacy, the cross of Christ covers us, so that because of Him, we can be good enough as we stand before the Father. 

And ironically, not being good enough, is the best reason for us to rejoice! 

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14

Hannah 

Unsuspecting Joy.

I love knowing endings. When I read a story book, I'll read the last chapter so that I know the end of it as I read the book. When I watch movies, where possible, I'll be reading the plot and summary of the movie as it plays. And yes, I am that horrible friend to watch anything with. But I love knowing how it ends and seeing how each character works their way to the ending. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense to many, but somehow, that's how I'm wired.

So here's a story that is still awaiting an ending, or rather, an ending towards a chapter rather than a whole story.

As I go into my final year of uni and being a student, the other more daunting decision of "what's next" starts haunting me. And as much as I'd love to confidently share my plans for the next 5 years, I can't, because I don't know what they are.

I remember being in the same position three years ago as I decide on uni, but it seems like back then, my choices were safer, my world was smaller, my heart was so much more adventurous than I am now. But I also had my share of let downs then, when I shot for what I thought was best for me, but God had other plans. I was disappointed then, sure, but as I look back on my journey, it became one of the biggest joy I could ever receive.

So as I contemplate my future, this time, while my choices suddenly became so scary, my world so so much bigger than when I started, my heart, that's not willing to be uprooted just yet; I am reminded time and time again that the Lord is always good, always sovereign. And what I think is good for my career might not be true for my faith. But living in the light of eternity is trusting that God works for the good of those who love Him, even if that good doesn't seem good at that time. But then again, I'm looking at life and the world in a fallen position while God sees and knows and holds the future.

And therefore, I don't know where I'll be in a year, and I don't know what my plans are. But I do know that I will keep looking for opportunities, and learn humility as God closes the doors that aren't good for me. I do know that I will continue to learn to trust Him and His Sovereign ways, especially when my sinful and selfish flesh desires something else. And I do know that no matter what, I do pray that God be glorified and Jesus be shown in my weakness and that He keep hold of me in the faith.

So this is an incomplete chapter of my story, of a broken, selfish, imperfect girl, who knows and believes the truth, but is struggling to truly trust in this period of uncertainty.

Hannah

Fire.

But in a fire, what is worth saving? 

Fear.

Looking back, there were many times when I was gripped by fear; fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of my own safety, fear of trials, uncertainty, fear of examination, interview, life.

Maybe we are the generation that has the privilege to work for what we want instead of our survival. We were given the option and because of the varied choice and multiple paths, the world at our disposal, that we are more fearful of the things to come. The world is much smaller now than it was a few decades ago.

Maybe because of this, we have a sense of entitlement, that we deserved something because of how we were raised or the culture we were brought up in.

But yet, the things we fear are so menial compared to what we should fear. We fear things like spider, not getting your first class degree, your dream job, when we should fear the fact that we are not working to please God, that we are not honouring Him with our words, that we don't praise Him or glorify Him enough.

Maybe the bottom conclusion is that we don't fear God Himself enough. We don't look at his mighty works through Jesus with awe, we don't listen, and really listen, to God's Words through Scripture anymore. Our priority is no longer God-centred, but self-centred. We are constantly working to please our thirst for more. More power, more money, more experience, more cars etc. While not all things are bad, we could be working to satisfy our hunger for more prayer, more time spent with the Scripture, more biblical teaching etc. But do we?

I am not to say that I have reached the goal of perfection, far far far from it, actually. But my thoughts are that if one day, when perfectly and completely sanctified, my priorities would be nothing but Christ's priorities, my thoughts would be nothing but Christ's thoughts, my actions would reflect Christ's actions, and that would be the day that my fear of the temporary would stop crippling me and holding me down.

But there is no reason to fear, no reason to be afraid of failure, of not getting the dream job. There is no reason for that because as Christians, our future is fully secured in Christ. Our eternal future, the one future that matters the most is sealed with much grace, much love and the blood of Christ. And fear of the temporary, is undermining God's rule over your life. And that's so challenging, but depend on Him, the One who will see you through all trials.  

“God could have over-ruled every difficulty in your way, had he seen it expedient. But he is pleased to show you, that you depend not upon men—but upon himself; and that, notwithstanding your situation, may exclude you from some advantages in point of outward means. He who has begun a good work in you, is able to carry it on, in defiance of all seeming hindrances, and make all things (even those which have the most unfavorable appearances) work together for your good.” 
- John Newton. The Letters of John Newton


Hannah

Resurrection.

"Why do you look for the living among the dead? 

He is not here, he has risen!" 

- Luke 24:5-6

We rejoice for victory is of Christ, victory over sin, over death, over the enemy.
We rejoice for death is defeated.
We rejoice as Christ's joy fills our hearts
We rejoice for we know that one day, we too, will rise again.

May we grow in the likeness of Christ, to grasps the great worth that is Jesus Himself.
May we grow in trust to confidently agree with Paul that "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing knowledge of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I count everything as rubbish, in order that I may be found in Him." Philippians 3:8

Happy resurrection Sunday! For death has no sting, hell has no victory! And one day, Christ will restore everything and we will be with Him till no end.

Hannah

Good Friday.

"Surely he took up our pain

and bore our suffering, 

yet we considered him punished by God,

stricken by him and afflicted. 

But he was pierced for or transgression, 

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on him, 

and by his wounds we are healed. 

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to our own way;

and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all."

-Isaiah 53:4 - 6 

The sky was gloomy, cloudy with a sense of loss, there's something that isn't right. Something that's not right with the world.
"Jesus said, 'it is finished'. With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19:30

What Jesus accomplished at the Cross was the complete fulfillment of the law, it was the wrath of God laid upon himself for the sins of many, it was the complete atonement for sins. Jesus' finished work on the Cross had accomplished the reconciliation between God and man, and because of Jesus, I can stand before God, justified, not of my own work, but based on what Christ had done. As I journey through Christ's walk to Calvary, the pain and mockery that I imagined was nothing compared to what He had endured.

How is it that God, the Creator, the Almighty one be put into a position such as the Cross? To be beaten, mocked, scorned. But His reason, to take that cruel and painful walk? Me. My sins, that I might be able to be reconciled to God the Father, that I may be able to see His great love, great mercy, wondrous and plentiful grace. His crown on earth was not made of gold or silver, but a crown of thorns he wore for me.

As Jesus walked and bore the Cross on Calvary, he showed obedience to the Father and love to his people to save them. For God is love, but God is also righteous and just, and it took Jesus on the Cross to pay my debt of sin, the debt of sin of the world.

Each time as I ponder and reflect, there is so much that I don't know, there is so much that I can be thankful and praise God for, there is so much in me that is not like Christ. There is still so much sin, anger, dirt, selfish thoughts, there is so much brokenness, but there is so much grace on that Cross as Jesus took on my sin and gave me his righteousness. The depth of love shown for me, by my Saviour,

Why is this Friday good?
Because God Himself came down to die the death you and I deserve.
Because He suffered on our behalf.
Because through His death, we can be made alive to God.
Because His was a redeeming death, so that now we are no longer bonded to sin, but we can be free from it, for Christ has won the victory over sin, and over death.
Because we know, that three days later, Christ will rise again, for death could not hold him down.
Because we have a King who died for us, but did not stay dead.

"What kind of King would hang on the Cross?"
That's my King, my Saviour who walked the road before me, so that I could have this relationship with the Father.
That's my King, the Creator of the World.
That's my King, my Lord, Jesus.

"See the King who made the sun, 

And the moon and shining star, 

Let the soldiers hold and nail Him down, 

So that He could save them"

- Jerusalem 

Hannah

2015.

What a year 2015 has been. Funny to think just in the beginning of 2015, I was merely a second year student, in the midst of preparing for mid-terms. 2015 was a challenging, frustrating, but also a year of immense growth.

2015 was a year of tough decisions, trusting God and knowing that He will lead and guide me. Questioning myself on how much I trust Him to obey, especially when I don't want to.  

2015 was the year when I served in the Christian Union, whilst challenging and so many times I was on the verge of giving up. I thank God for placing people in my life that I can talk to, share in my frustration and praise God for mercy. My year of serving ended with many things to thank God for. His goodness, kindness and mercy to use a broken, wretched sinner like myself to serve Him. (Events.)

Through all those troubling times in my head, when I questioned and doubted God's faithfulness, and whether there was any hope left for it all. To which He points me back to Christ's finished work on the Cross, where I can lay my head to rest, because Christ's death had reconciled me to the Father.

2015 was when I did quite a lot of reading. (Was pretty surprised there actually!) But it has been such joy to be reminded of truth, to be thinking more in depth of what Jesus had done and the implications of that in my life. 

 Reflections.

2015 was the year when I was the most stressed out for my exams, but learning to preach the gospel to myself, especially when I'm anxious and reminding myself of the temporariness of this life. And to look forward to a greater world with the Creator.

Top left: Apple and butterscotch crepe cake; lemon drizzle; chocolate marble cake

Middle left: Egg tarts; lemon drizzle cupcakes; chewy chocolate chip cookies

Bottom left: Simple pancakes; brownies; yule log cake

2015 has been a year of baking! I've come to realize how easy baking is to show love to others. It was fun experimenting with different cakes and even challenging myself to make my own pastry for the egg tarts. Safe to say, pastry making isn't my forte. 

The beginning of third year in the last quarter of 2015 had been tough, fighting the lies in my head. And also remembering Christmas and the humble beginnings of our Lord and Saviour's birth. 

2015 has been really encouraging, reading and studying the Bible with other Christians, fellowship-ing and mutually encouraging and edifying each other. Understanding the importance of community and dependence on each other. Sharing in both joy and troubles. 

Happy new year! 

"Lord, I believe, help me in my unbelief."

Hannah

Dreams.

What do you dream about? What do you wish for when you look up towards the sky?

People will tell you to shoot for the moon, because even if you missed, you'll land among the stars. But if you're anything like me, when you shoot for the moon , you don't want to land among the stars, you'll want to land on the moon!

The past few years I've seen myself go through disappointments over and over again. I've been crushed by my high expectations of self. But yet, through it all, I saw God's guiding light through them all, breaking me down, building me back up, teaching me, molding me, guiding me to where I should be, instead of where I think I want to be.

In the season of Christmas, what does Christmas mean to you? Surely it's more than just the festive food, cute jumper and presents? Family and friends gathering and Christmas movies? All great things to have and to be thankful for, but is that... it? 

But what if Christmas is so much more than just those?

Christmas, the beginning of extraordinary love, God came down, to live as man, to die not as He deserved, but as our sins deserved, but also to be raised again to the right hand of God.
Christmas, the birth of mankind's one and only saviour.
Christmas, the most confusing, yet most loving gesture shown to men. The Son of God came to wash us clean, to serve us, to feel our pain, to reunite us to the Father.
Christmas, grace upon grace already received.

Christmas time is when Christians remember the humble birth of a baby, who will one day rescue us. It's the humble beginning of a certain future for all of us who believes. It's because we no longer need to wish for something, but can have certain and secure hope of a glorious future with God when Christ returns.

And until that day comes, we continue to struggle, to live in a fallen world, to fight with our earthly desires, but know that victory is of Christ by His work on the Cross.
And till then, we'll weep for the injustice, cry out for mercy, and thank Him for grace.
For when Christ returns, we shall rejoice and be with him forevermore, and our tears of sorrows and frustration will be replaced by tears of joy.

"When all around my soul gives way, 

He then is all my hope and stays."

-The Solid Rock 

Hannah

Journey.

"But Lord..." My heart whines at the frustration on this journey of pilgrimage.

I'm tired and frustrated at evangelizing to some who only know how to push it away. My lazy self tempts with the thought of "but God is completely sovereign anyway, if He saves, He saves!" but what lies I was willing to feed myself. What excuse of laziness that I come up with because things are hard.

"Do you not love your neighbor? Do you not love them enough to see them come to know Christ? It's all your fault that they still don't want to accept Him, because you're a terrible person!" the evil one spits at me, amplifying my guilt and pain, telling me lies such that my works were of my own strength, not of God, that God doesn't love me enough.

But those were lies, as I turn back to the Cross to see Jesus dying for my sins, for the lies I was willing to believe from the evil one. I see Jesus suffering on my behalf because He loves that much to reconcile me to the Father. Because He cares for me; because He strengthens me.

How much longer, will I have to endure this rejection? How long did God Himself patiently waited as I constantly rejected Him? Too long.
Grant me patience and love, from above, that will never dry out.
May I gain strength from the Lord, working and being molded into His image through this journey of sanctification.
Help me to trust in Your sovereign will, laying down my guilt at the cross of Jesus, knowing that it is You who make things grow, according to your good purpose, your good pleasure.
Soften my heart, to be teachable, putting on Your virtues, as shown by Jesus.
Help me see that this world is not the end of it, but there are ten thousand joy and perfect, everlasting happiness in the future, when we can be with You forevermore.

"Oh grant me wisdom from above,
to pray for peace and cling to love,
and teach me humbly to receive,
the sun and rain of Your sovereignty.
Each strand of sorrow has a place;
within this tapestry of grace;
so through the trials I'll choose to say
'Your perfect will in Your perfect way.'"
-The perfect wisdom of our God

And one day, these tears will be wiped away and filled with unspeakable joy when Christ returns.

Hannah

Reflections.

A look back as reflect on how second year had been. I've had many encouraging conversations, many tearful moment, and many thankful moment.

I've spent most of my year serving in the Christian Union and through all the struggles, the thought of quitting, the tears, I found a deep sense of care I had for others that I've never felt before. I found myself, in the midst of being lost. I found myself being more rooted in my faith, my ultimate and everlasting identity, than the temporary one I have here on Earth. I found strength when I accepted that I am weak, strength only through Christ alone, through the knowledge that Jesus had died and conquered my sins on the Cross.

Besides that, I'm learning courage as I continue on my walk with Him, courage to trust, to have faith, to not just know but fully trust that God's plan is and always will be perfect, even when when it doesn't go my way. Through the rough exam period, I had to, and still am learning to trust and put God first because it is eternity that matters most.

And slowly, I'm learning that no matter how lovely this world seem to be like, it is only temporary. And one day I will depart here, only to be somewhere better, somewhere greater.

This academic year, I've learnt countless of things, with countless of stories of how God is working in and through me, rejoicing and thanking God for the ups and downs in life, knowing that God's way are higher, mightier, better than mine; His thoughts are always perfect, always wise, always just and always loving to those He loves.

I fail as a Christian everyday, not even just once or twice a day, but throughout the day, I fail to be a person who seeks Christ with all their heart. I don't think about Christ and His work on the cross as much as I should be; and at times, reading God's word don't strike me as it should; prayer seemed more like a task that I have to do because I call myself a Christian. But yet, God somehow loves this broken, imperfect, weak and fragile sinner. He somehow manages to use this sinner, to shine forth His glory.

Yesterday, while reading a book, it quotes Paul's letter where he wrote "to live is Christ, and to die is gain" saying that for Paul, living = Christ; dying = more Christ! How wonderfully true it is. The challenge for me was that living for Christ starts here and now, not in the future. While one day, we, as Christians will be with Christ, it doesn't mean that I don't need to spend time with Christ now. It means the exact opposite. Because we will one day be with Christ forever, we should want to spend time with Him now, by reading God's word, by spending time in prayer, by talking to people about where your eternal identity is! What a challenge it is, but what glorious joy we would have at the end of it all!

And as I sit here, writing this, tears of joy and thankfulness fills my eyes as I reflect on how undeserving I am for God's grace but yet He chooses to lavish it on me instead. As I reflect on how the year has been, I cannot express enough gratitude for undeserving kindness, love, mercy and grace shed upon this broken sinner. how great and mighty Christ's work on the cross to have provided a way to the Creator.

Oh, may I never boast in myself, but in the One who had died to save my soul!

Hannah

Stretched.

Exam seasons are never best for me. I get anxious, nervous, stressed out. But this time, this season of exams tested me and stretched my faith the furthest.

As I grow in my faith, I've been learning to always remember what is important, that Christ died, so that I don't have to be a slave to sin no more. And that is what I really need the most. But yet, that simple thing is the hardest to do when you're racing against time having the days count down to when you'll have to take the final exam. And I guess the pressure for me was much greater, being that I did not want to return to the country to retake a paper. A 14-hour long flight away from everyone again, cutting my holidays short? No thank you. And so, the stress builds up.

Being apart of the Christian Union team earlier this year, I have been busy with all things society and had somehow neglected taking time out for studies, so when I handed over at the end of March, it was 3 months to cram everything from the year and to get through all the material.

And a week before exams started, a breakdown. As I sat in the library, trying at some paper year papers, I realised that the way I had been studying wasn't helping me in retrieving and retaining information because of the way I remember things. Having 3 papers in a week time and panicking over the fact that I couldn't answer anything for the first paper, that week, I had the most stressed out face, being almost in tears (if not already in tears) as the time drew closer and I was still not done re-doing everything.

A Sunday before my exam, I contemplated skipping church, surely, God would understand that I have a paper the next day, surely the leaders would have some sympathy for me knowing that all that I've done had been unhelpful. But I was drawn back to Matthew, where Jesus said to "Seek first His Kingdom". Seek first your salvation, and to have the bigger picture of eternal life and temporary life, how is that a decision?

I had to be extremely careful as I went on, to put God above all things. I had to warn myself that I'm not doing it because I want God to see that I've honoured Him and then bless me more. But keeping myself in check for my motives that it was to be thinking about the things that matter - eternity - instead of dwelling on this temporary moment. I had to be careful not to make it as if I deserved to have better results because of my sacrifice, but rather thank God for grace and pray for obedience to accept His sovereign will.

And I truly saw how "Put God first, and everything will fall into place" works, not because everything will go your way, but it will go His way, and by putting Him first, you align to his ways. And when you step back to see the bigger picture, you can rest in Him. Knowing that on that final day of judgement, when you stand before the Judge, He doesn't judge based on what I got for my exam, or what I've done that was good, or that I went to church even when I was stressed, but purely based on what Jesus had done on the Cross for me, that because I was given faith to accept this grace, my soul can rest securely, knowing that I'll be absolutely alright.

Hannah

Events.

The past week had been a hectic week of organizing events and such, but what an encouragement the week had been. 

The Christian Union (CU) in my Uni had our events week, a week where we focus on evangelism, going out to our campus to show love to others, to talk about God and stuff, things that are usually taboo issues. This was our week where we show the love of Christ within us to the campus, and what a week it had been! 

Monday started off with a morning prayer, committing the week into God's hands, reminding ourselves that in all things, we don't work for our own glory, but God's glory. We held a lunchtime events on the topic of "Why are Christians so judgemental?" During this event, we went through the issue of why are Christians so flipping judgemental, but talking through the fact that Christianity doesn't hinge on the good, or the bad of Christians, but it depends on the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ! 

Our evening event of a Dial-a-Doughnut(Someone would text in a question about Christianity/faith/God with their location and we'll go to them with a doughnut & their answer!) came flooding in with questions about faith and God. Some pretty good ones that would make us think about it more, others.. well, they just wanted doughnuts. This event helped me to realize how important knowing your Bible is, knowing why you believe what you believe in. But also knowing that it is okay to say,"I don't know how to answer your questions. But I'd like to find out and chat with you about it some more." instead of making up some answers that would probably be some silly ones. This event saw the CU going out in twos or threes, to tell other why we believe in Jesus, answering their questions. And man, what a sight it really was! 

Though the day started off gloomy, cold, at the end of it all, we learnt that God's
work is ongoing, even the gloomy Monday blues of English weather won't stop the team from going forth, telling others about Jesus. What an encouragement is it, to see the love for people coming out from the team. 

Tuesday came with a prayer in the morning, again, committing our day to God to use us as vessels for His good work. The evening quiz with amazing prizes were our only event this day, and we even had a short quiz-a-Christian time while the scores were being counted. 

Wednesday started the same with prayer together. Prayer for the weather as we were going to hold an outdoor acoustic night with a short testimony from a CU member and the gospel message being shared. Knowing the weather here, and the forecast saying that it would be raining on this day, we were afraid that the outdoor event wouldn't be able to go on due to the weather. A lunchtime event was held again on this day with the topic of "Had science disproved God?" During this time we heard that statements of scientists are not statements of science! They're just statements of personal belief. Science and God aren't competing against each other, they're complementary! Science is the "how" but God is the "why". We also heard a quote from Russell Brand that said"Creation is so unlikely that it leads me to believe in God" And how unlikely creation is though!

With cloudy weather and the wind blowing, we decided to still have our outdoor/open air acoustic evening. And what a joy it was to be taking the CU outside out four walls of the building we meet in! What a joy to see people coming, wondering what these bunch of people are doing in the cold, but joining, listening to the gospel being shared!



We had a day off on Thursday, which is great to have a rest day.

Our final day (Friday) of the events week had most of us scurrying around the whole day. With prayer in the morning and another lunchtime event on the topic of "Why would a good God allow suffering?" Through this, we were told that if there is no God, then everything would just be.. indifferent. But the very fact that we rage against the wrong in the World shows that we, the World, are not indifferent towards suffering. And to the question that people ask, how can God just stand there and watch? The Christian claim is that He didn't. He sent His Son, because He can't stand there and watch as the world suffers. Christianity doesn't offer you a god on the clouds, but a God on the Cross, and that changes everything!

We ended our week of events with a Big concert on Friday night with a talk on why someone is a Christian. Performances showing us that we shouldn't hide behind a mask because we were made in God's image. And a talk that asks the question : What makes you happy? What gives you satisfaction in life? Points that were mentioned during this talk was that we often don't look on the inward journey. It's not what I can get, but what I can be on the inside. And what Jesus does, is that He refers to Himself, directly and indirectly, as God! Jesus was willing to take it all so that we could have a relationship with God. And that was the joy it was to have as a Christian.

The whole week was just a massive week of encouragement, seeing how God works, seeing His grace in us, His love for us that we want to tell the campus about this undeserving love that we've received. I've personally been so encouraged all week, by people serving behind the scenes, doing small but important things such as flyering, making lunch, setting up and clearing up after each events. I've seen the willingness to serve in the team, to meet up with other students in their own time to answer some questions others have. To have to share more about this love of Christ to others. I've learnt the importance of praying, knowing that sometimes all it takes it the courage to ask a fellow sibling in Christ, "Can I pray for you?" before an event. And to always be reminding each other of why we do events, not for our own glory, but for God's glory in the end.

While the week is over, I'm reminded that the work doesn't stop here. As Christians, we're called to be evangelist, to be sharing the gospel of Jesus everywhere we go, to be taking acts of love and grace to other.

"Oh, I long for nothing more as long as You are glorified. " 

-As Long As You are Glorified, Sovereign Grace Music. 

Hannah

Motivation.

With next week being the Christian Union's(CU) events week*, planning had been hectic. People to email, things to sort out, communication with the team etc.

Today, I was told to be reminded of why I'm serving. Why am I motivated to serve Jesus, to want to share Jesus to the campus. The good "textbook" answer would be because I want to glorify God, to want people in my campus to know about Jesus, for them to experience this love that I've received by grace from God, because I am a helpless sinner.

I was reminded that when things seem to be overwhelming and everything just seem to be like a task that I'm ticking off the to-do list. "Stop! Remind yourself of the gospel, of how Jesus died for sinners, how my salvation is purely based on Jesus' work on the cross, and God's unconditional love, and His undeserving grace towards me. Remember that, and remember why you are doing what you're doing."

Just like one beggar telling the other "Here's where you can find bread"; Here's one broken person saying to you, "Here's the One who can make you whole."

Please do be praying for the week.
Pray for the speakers, that as they speak and talk about Jesus, they will be given strength to preach the gospel of Christ. That they will be strengthen and given wisdom as questions are asked through the week.
Pray for the CU members. That as we go out with trembling feet and fearful hearts to speak to people on campus, God will strengthen us and grant us courage to invite our friends to the events, to always be reminded of our motivation to do things, for God's glorification, not our own.
Pray for the people who would be coming, that seeds would be planted through this week.
Pray for the weather - One of our event is held outdoor. To be proclaiming the gospel outside the four walls of a room is such a great opportunity to do so. Pray that the weather would be good, and people will come for it.

May my weaknesses bring glory to the One who deserves all glory.

Hannah

*Events week is a week of events set out by the Christian Union to be focused on being sent out to the campus bringing the gospel message to others and telling others about Jesus.